Hi all,
First time poster, going through a very difficult time currently. Was broken up with / discarded out of the blue by my ex who demonstrates many traits of BPD.
I’ll save you the long story/context of the relationship. But am happy to provide it, if you’re curious or think it would help.
Basically:
- Was in what I thought was a perfect relationship
- We went on amazing dates / adventures together
- Her family loved me, although her mother started telling her “he does so much for you, what do you do for him.. are you good enough?”
- ex had incredibly low self esteem/insecurities. Always asked if I still loved her and would I leave her.
- despite this, relationship was quite healthy. We’d see each other 3 days a week.
- ex starts getting closer and closer to my best friend. They have regular late night phone calls until 2am, whilst playing video games.
- this made me uncomfortable, though I trusted my best friend and thought perhaps this will be good for her (as she doesn’t have any friends of her own).
- I asked if we could catchup another night once, as I was not feeling well. She interpreted this as “I don’t love her anymore” and she was furious.
- she came over the next day, and was like a different person. Very distant, and when I tried to speak to her about it, she’d say “I’ve decided to distance myself from you, because that’s what YOU want”. I replied that’s not what I want at all.
- we go to an event that weekend with my best friend, she ignores me all weekend and is all over him like a rash. Constantly laughing at everything he would say, flirting, dancing, sometimes even walking off from me and whispering to him.
- she then ignores me for 2 days, doesn’t reply to my messages or calls.
- she finally calls back, and says she can’t do the relationship anymore. I try to communicate/resolve what issues she’s having, as this is the first time she’s ever said she’s had an issue in the relationship.
- nothing she says makes sense, zero logic and complete distortion of history.
- she’d take random comments I’d made many months prior, and twist the context into something I never meant.
- after 2 hours on the phone, going in circles. I accept she’s made her decision and there’s no fixing this.
- a couple of days later, I think to myself, perhaps she really believed I didn’t “love her”, so decided to deliver her flowers and a card, telling her how I felt.
- she was happy to get the flowers, though she said she didn’t love me anymore. Despite 1-2 weeks prior exclaiming how much she loved me and how I brought the best version out of her.
- I go into no contact after that, only for my best friend to approach me a few days later with these absurd allegations. She told him that I hated him, amongst other things.
- I told him it wasn’t true, but he had already made up his mind.
- he and his entire family have now blocked me on social media.
- I’ve heard through mutual friends that the allegations have gotten worse, she’s telling him that I starved her and ignored her every time she came over.
- completely absurd, considering the dozens and dozens of restaurants I took her too. Plus the best friend was present at a few of these dinners.
- thankfully, I’m a big photo person - and I have hundreds of photos and videos of every single date / outing we’ve been on. Which contradicts her stories.
I’m not sure how to proceed. There’s a part of me that wants to reach out to her family, and ask them if she’s done this before. It bothers me that her family really liked me, and now they’ve probably been told all of these lies and think I’m an awful person.
My concern is, if I do reach out to the family, this might aggravate the ex and result in even worse allegations.
We’ve been in no contact for 6 weeks now, I haven’t heard anything from her at all. She’s deleted me off all social media and I basically don’t exist.
I’d really appreciate any insight into this situation and recommendations on what I should do.
I understand it’s probably best to just keep out of sight and out of mind from the ex, but I can’t shake the feeling of losing the girl I loved, and my best friend, in such an unjust manner.
Thanks for your time.
