A random rant

[SurvivalGuy]

Hi Guys,

I feel like ranting to release some of the tension inside of me. So here goes…..

I’ve never really met a monster before. I always had best intentions for most people and gave them the benefit of the doubt. There are definitely people I have met along my journeys who gave me a bad feeling so I would avoid them, but generally never really thought I’d meet a monster let alone be in a relationship with one. Psychopaths for me were only ever in the movies, in jail, or disconnected from society in some way.

Not this monster. She was a straight A student, top of her class in University for her masters degree in criminology. Very high functioning in her chosen career path as a social worker for the local hospital. Love and respected by her peers and friends. And from an incredibly wealthy family.

The mental illness in her mind stems from a bipolar mother and a father who never loved her. She had to raise her younger siblings from a young age and was in an abusive marriage for 15 years (apparently). She was sent to affluent boarding school for ballet and was sexually assaulted. Her brother committed suicide, she was bullied at school. She had a very lonely life. And at some point was a prostitute. This really hurt when I found out (not sure if she was a prostitute during our relationship though but who f$$king knows).

All of this bred the monster that I happened to fall in love with. Now don’t get me wrong, I felt sorry for her, but the absolute agony I have been through trying to get over this person has been painful and sometimes suicidal (not these days though). I no longer feel sorry for her. I don’t want to feel sorry for her. My innocence towards other human beings has all but diminished and I look at the world in a much more cautious and negative manner.

She cannot do this to people. A part of me wants to warn the world about people like this because like I mentioned above, I never knew about monsters walking among us (I’m 38 btw and would not consider myself sheltered even though it sounds like it ) I’m educating my friends and will definitely educate my 2 boys about these type of females when they are a little older.

Rant over.

[SinisterComplex]

Hi Guys,

I feel like ranting to release some of the tension inside of me. So here goes…..

I’ve never really met a monster before. I always had best intentions for most people and gave them the benefit of the doubt. There are definitely people I have met along my journeys who gave me a bad feeling so I would avoid them, but generally never really thought I’d meet a monster let alone be in a relationship with one. Psychopaths for me were only ever in the movies, in jail, or disconnected from society in some way.

Not this monster. She was a straight A student, top of her class in University for her masters degree in criminology. Very high functioning in her chosen career path as a social worker for the local hospital. Love and respected by her peers and friends. And from an incredibly wealthy family.

The mental illness in her mind stems from a bipolar mother and a father who never loved her. She had to raise her younger siblings from a young age and was in an abusive marriage for 15 years (apparently). She was sent to affluent boarding school for ballet and was sexually assaulted. Her brother committed suicide, she was bullied at school. She had a very lonely life. And at some point was a prostitute. This really hurt when I found out (not sure if she was a prostitute during our relationship though but who f$$king knows).

All of this bred the monster that I happened to fall in love with. Now don’t get me wrong, I felt sorry for her, but the absolute agony I have been through trying to get over this person has been painful and sometimes suicidal (not these days though). I no longer feel sorry for her. I don’t want to feel sorry for her. My innocence towards other human beings has all but diminished and I look at the world in a much more cautious and negative manner.

She cannot do this to people. A part of me wants to warn the world about people like this because like I mentioned above, I never knew about monsters walking among us (I’m 38 btw and would not consider myself sheltered even though it sounds like it ) I’m educating my friends and will definitely educate my 2 boys about these type of females when they are a little older.

Rant over.

SG...this is what we are here for. This is exactly what I look for. Please continue to vent and share. The more you do stuff like this the more stuff that is trapped inside gets let out. I am paying attention and will try to respond more in depth tomorrow, but this is all I have time for before hopping off.

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[SurvivalGuy]

SG...this is what we are here for. This is exactly what I look for. Please continue to vent and share. The more you do stuff like this the more stuff that is trapped inside gets let out. I am paying attention and will try to respond more in depth tomorrow, but this is all I have time for before hopping off.

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Thank you kindly SC, you to. I look forward to your response.

[SinisterComplex]

So real talk...unfortunately, I hit the wall last night and the grim reaper of sleep came for me and I had to pay my sleep debt. LOL.

So with that said I will actually get to your response today. I fell asleep actually mid response on here. HA. 

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[SinisterComplex]

Hi Guys,

I feel like ranting to release some of the tension inside of me. So here goes…..

I’ve never really met a monster before. I always had best intentions for most people and gave them the benefit of the doubt. There are definitely people I have met along my journeys who gave me a bad feeling so I would avoid them, but generally never really thought I’d meet a monster let alone be in a relationship with one. Psychopaths for me were only ever in the movies, in jail, or disconnected from society in some way.

Not this monster. She was a straight A student, top of her class in University for her masters degree in criminology. Very high functioning in her chosen career path as a social worker for the local hospital. Love and respected by her peers and friends. And from an incredibly wealthy family.

The mental illness in her mind stems from a bipolar mother and a father who never loved her. She had to raise her younger siblings from a young age and was in an abusive marriage for 15 years (apparently). She was sent to affluent boarding school for ballet and was sexually assaulted. Her brother committed suicide, she was bullied at school. She had a very lonely life. And at some point was a prostitute. This really hurt when I found out (not sure if she was a prostitute during our relationship though but who f$$king knows).

All of this bred the monster that I happened to fall in love with. Now don’t get me wrong, I felt sorry for her, but the absolute agony I have been through trying to get over this person has been painful and sometimes suicidal (not these days though). I no longer feel sorry for her. I don’t want to feel sorry for her. My innocence towards other human beings has all but diminished and I look at the world in a much more cautious and negative manner.

She cannot do this to people. A part of me wants to warn the world about people like this because like I mentioned above, I never knew about monsters walking among us (I’m 38 btw and would not consider myself sheltered even though it sounds like it ) I’m educating my friends and will definitely educate my 2 boys about these type of females when they are a little older.

Rant over.

I totally understand where you are coming from. However, I do want to caution you against something. The idea of the term psychopaths. The idea of psychopaths as a noun is the problem. It is more likely you will see sociopaths which do truly exist have psychopathy and possibly perform psychopathic acts.

Additionally, the hard part is that disordered people carry monsters inside them, but they are not necessarily monsters themselves. This is why I say hate the monster, not the person.

I also do not think you sound sheltered. Wasn't even a thought. I will say though nothing prepares you to deal with these disordered personalities. Even the strongest of the strong get broken down. Also, trying to warn the world about people like this actually does the opposite of what your intent would be. Some people may believe you and take you at face value. However, on the whole the more likely outcome is for people to not listen to you and instead it leads to an increase in more negative stigma for those who are disordered. Mental health is already treated with a massive amount of disrespect worldwide.

Perhaps the biggest issue I see with most people is that they typically have a certain air of arrogance and are a bit overconfident when it comes to dealing with disordered partners. They think with ego...I will be the one who changes things. I will be the protector. I can handle it. I'm different, etc...fill in the blank.

Sadly, these are also the people who get hurt the most. But I digress...

What I would say is serve as a resource to provide education to friends and family about certain red flags to watch out for. Try to take that approach instead of warning them about monsters so to speak. I believe that approach would carry more weight and if they have questions go a little into depth about the red flags and what they could signify. The most important point to drive home would be to give the disorders respect and not to take them lightly. How these disorders manifest are unique to the individual and how they present themselves can vary from one sufferer to the next.

For what it's worth my friend I went to school for human behavior and I'm highly educated in anthropology, criminology, psychology, and sociology...why do I mention this? Certainly not to boast or to flex...No as a means to show...Even with all that education and being a strong personality, I married a woman who was deeply troubled who crushed me because I let my ego and pride get in the way. I got humbled and essentially kicked in the nuts. So the point is...it can happen to the best of us. The disorder does not discriminate...it hurts all with the same equal opportunity.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[Turkish]

What did she do that made you think she's a Monster?

[NarcsEverywhere]

I totally agree, the amount of damage a lot of people with these disorders do is mind boggling. I've definitely done damage in my life. But malicious, life ruining damage to many people? Nope. I also think, that although I was emotionally unhealthy, they can do damage to all sorts of people, even fairly healthy people, because if you miss stuff, you get so confused, that you don't know which way is up and down.

I thought I was fairly emotionally healthy, not perfect, but had worked very hard on myself, still got tricked, confused and devalued more recently, by multiple people, thank god it wasn't in the context in a GF/Wife situation or something, I gave up that insanity, when I broke up with my exGF 12 years ago. Anyways, I totally agree there needs to be WAY more awareness on Narcissistic abuse and NPD/BPD. It's so insidious, and you don't even know what's happening to you, I was oblivious in so many ways.

[SurvivalGuy]

What did she do that made you think she's a Monster?

The emotional and psychological torment/abuse. She was never physically abusive but I wish she was sometimes.

The love bombing, silent treatment, damsel in distress. All forms of abuse.

[NarcsEverywhere]

The love bombing is the worst, because it sets you up to be so confused on an emotional level, when the actions are so much different later on.