After graduating from Cluster B you go the other way …

[NotAHero]

 So you graduated from relationships with Cluster B, you know what to look for now and you want to make sure you avoid them. You look for what is NOT them….

 Well, welcome to Cluster C, the opposite of BPD chaos is success and order, great right ?

 Think again, when you do not exactly match their set expectations, you are still subject to devaluation, maybe without yelling screaming hitting …but still, not fun, at all.

 They do tend to share fear of abandonment ( codependent ), it does not necessarily trigger them to attack you like it does with BPD. Since the frantic efforts to win you back scares you due to your experience with BPD, it is not a pleasant thing either.

 I have not gained the “grand master” status with that type yet, but I figured this might be helpful for new graduates.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Sorry that sucks. I'm onto Cluster Z myself, took years of dedication, and a careful honing of my skills. I'm willing to teach you all my tricks if you ever want to ask. But yeah, being treated as disposable really hurts, if you miss it, and get really close to them, it's a shocker to your heart. I'm not always the greatest at maintaining relationships, but if I'm close to someone, and they weren't really abusing me or something, I wouldn't just completely not respond to them, if they tried to talk to me, at least not without an explanation.

[once removed]

You look for what is NOT them….

you will not master the dating world, or have a great deal of luck in it, with this strategy.

im a heterosexual male. i like women. ive never learned anything about women or attracting them by avoiding dating men, and ive been doing the latter for my entire life.

love and dating, with success, are about knowing what it is you are looking for and becoming a person that can match it, attract it, sustain it. if you are doing that, you will naturally filter out what it is you want to avoid.

if you find that you are repeatedly ending up in dysfunctional relationships, then the odds are that on some level, it is, or some element of it is, what you are looking for. i found that taking a closer look at what i was drawn to and connecting with opened my eyes, and while what im initially attracted to has more or less always been the same, what i gravitate toward and connect with have shifted gears. learning more about myself, myself in relation to others (how others see me vs how i saw myself), what was working for me, and what wasnt, informed that.