Hi Enoughtimes,
I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to the site here. I can relate with the chaos at home with a partner with BPD traits. I recall feeling like when I wpuld walk through the door that I would be walking on landmines not knowing if I wouldnt be accused of something or not andd there was usually something that she was upset about.
The link has a PDF that you can download, it's by Dr Joe Carver. It outlines stages of ending a r/s with a pwBPD.
PDF | Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality DisorderAs you know BPD can be hard to detect because it is usually comorbid with mood disorders and sometimes other personanily disorders as well. There is a stigma attached with BPD and sometimes prople tgat suffer from BPD are not diagnosed for insurance reasons and sometimes it worsens BPD traits.