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[TiffsMa]

My daughter has had BPD for some years now.  Whenever she goes off on her explosive rants my ex husband sided with her and tells her whatever she wants so that she will calm down.  I feel she needs to know the truth but in a calm manner.  I am trying to help her raise her 4 year old son; who by the way has ADHD and is hyperactive.  It is like oil and water these two.  I feel like when he gets older it is only going to get worse.  I am so stressed all the time because of this situation I just don’t know what to do.  Doesn’t anyone have any answers or advice?  Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi TiffsMa
I am glad you have come here. I came here too long ago and looking for answers and just wanting to find something that could change things, make things better for dd. I too have been helping raise a child.

I found lots of help here - the main one was that I realised I was not alone in dealing with a truly awful condition called BPD. Realising others had been dealing with things for a long time and had often tried things that I had tried, really helped me to step back a bit and look at the situation in terms of the 3 C's (I didn't cause this, I can't control it, I can't cure it).

No matter how unreasonable/irrational the rants and raves are, I have found it impossible to help dd stop. All I can do is to change the way I deal with/respond to it.

The more you engage, the more it feeds the rant in my experience. My thought would be to try to leave all the interaction between your ex and dd to one side if at all possible. You don't give examples of this and how it impacts your life so this might be a big ask.

It is great that you can be involved in gs's early years. Is he formally diagnosed with ADHD? If not, would dd explore this option? Just thinking it would be good to have this done before starting formal schooling etc.

Are you able to have 'time out' for yourself? This is a long journey as I am sure you know, and we need to look after ourselves.

I hope you can post again with some details of your journey. I come here a lot and just knowing I am not alone is a great help to me.