I'm new here and here is my story

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I met a woman 3 years ago and fell in love, it was intense but there was also some strange things going on that i just didn't understand or know why they were happening. One day i would be the best thing to ever have happened to her and the following day she would be ending the relationship for no good reason and she would play the victim- go into work crying and telling everyone that we had broken up. This behaviour really confused me and for a while i would take on all the resposablilty for the break up-apologising and promising to be a better partner in future. We split up about 4 times in 2 years which she did the breaking up all the time, the final break up happened in june last year and although i was devastated I had a feeling that something was wrong with this woman and I knew this time I must not get back with her and distance myself from her. But I also wanted an understanding of what was going on because i was sick and tired of my mates saying she was just another crazy chick and all women are the same, this stigma by men on women would always bother me because i knew that all women are human beings and most are lovely people and yes some may have an illness. So i relentlessly started looking for answers, every week once a week my ex texts me (even to today) and these text messages range from- I hate you why are you ignoring me- to -i want you back and i love you. i have never responded to a single message from her since june last year. All this time i have been concentrating on myself doing meditation eating healthy and really being the best version of myself that i can be, she recently text me to say she was 6 months pregnant and that she went to australia on holiday in november last year to get over me and had a one night stand which had resulted in this pregnancy, i felt devastated but i did not respond and have still kept my silence with her. 3weeks ago somehow i stumbled across BPD disorder and started reading the stuff on the internet about bpd, I was shocked! i also bought and read some of the great books on the disorder and i just couldn't believe that this information was explaining my ex in such detail, although my ex doesn't have a diagnosis and i have never told her i think she might have bpd here are some of her symptoms  -panic attacks, extreme anxiety, exma flair ups on her hands, IBS, anger outbursts, idealisation followed by devaluation, fear of abandonment, etc but no suicidal or self harming. This new information i have learned about mental health disorders has been invaluable to me, although i will never get back with my ex it has helped me see that women are not crazy (i don't mean to offend any women on here) which people and friends would always tell me and that this disorder can affect anyone.
I would like to thank the creators of this website and all the people who have studied and written books on this disorder for helping me see the world in a different light.
Thank you everyone

[stuart]

I met a woman 3 years ago and fell in love, it was intense but there was also some strange things going on that i just didn't understand or know why they were happening. One day i would be the best thing to ever have happened to her and the following day she would be ending the relationship for no good reason and she would play the victim- go into work crying and telling everyone that we had broken up. This behaviour really confused me and for a while i would take on all the resposablilty for the break up-apologising and promising to be a better partner in future. We split up about 4 times in 2 years which she did the breaking up all the time, the final break up happened in june last year and although i was devastated I had a feeling that something was wrong with this woman and I knew this time I must not get back with her and distance myself from her. But I also wanted an understanding of what was going on because i was sick and tired of my mates saying she was just another crazy chick and all women are the same, this stigma by men on women would always bother me because i knew that all women are human beings and most are lovely people and yes some may have an illness. So i relentlessly started looking for answers, every week once a week my ex texts me (even to today) and these text messages range from- I hate you why are you ignoring me- to -i want you back and i love you. i have never responded to a single message from her since june last year. All this time i have been concentrating on myself doing meditation eating healthy and really being the best version of myself that i can be, she recently text me to say she was 6 months pregnant and that she went to australia on holiday in november last year to get over me and had a one night stand which had resulted in this pregnancy, i felt devastated but i did not respond and have still kept my silence with her. 3weeks ago somehow i stumbled across BPD disorder and started reading the stuff on the internet about bpd, I was shocked! i also bought and read some of the great books on the disorder and i just couldn't believe that this information was explaining my ex in such detail, although my ex doesn't have a diagnosis and i have never told her i think she might have bpd here are some of her symptoms  -panic attacks, extreme anxiety, exma flair ups on her hands, IBS, anger outbursts, idealisation followed by devaluation, fear of abandonment, etc but no suicidal or self harming. This new information i have learned about mental health disorders has been invaluable to me, although i will never get back with my ex it has helped me see that women are not crazy (i don't mean to offend any women on here) which people and friends would always tell me and that this disorder can affect anyone.
I would like to thank the creators of this website and all the people who have studied and written books on this disorder for helping me see the world in a different light.
Thank you everyone

[capecodling]

I met a woman 3 years ago and fell in love, it was intense but there was also some strange things going on that i just didn't understand or know why they were happening. One day i would be the best thing to ever have happened to her and the following day she would be ending the relationship for no good reason and she would play the victim- go into work crying and telling everyone that we had broken up. This behaviour really confused me and for a while i would take on all the resposablilty for the break up-apologising and promising to be a better partner in future. We split up about 4 times in 2 years which she did the breaking up all the time, the final break up happened in june last year and although i was devastated I had a feeling that something was wrong with this woman and I knew this time I must not get back with her and distance myself from her. But I also wanted an understanding of what was going on because i was sick and tired of my mates saying she was just another crazy chick and all women are the same, this stigma by men on women would always bother me because i knew that all women are human beings and most are lovely people and yes some may have an illness. So i relentlessly started looking for answers, every week once a week my ex texts me (even to today) and these text messages range from- I hate you why are you ignoring me- to -i want you back and i love you. i have never responded to a single message from her since june last year. All this time i have been concentrating on myself doing meditation eating healthy and really being the best version of myself that i can be, she recently text me to say she was 6 months pregnant and that she went to australia on holiday in november last year to get over me and had a one night stand which had resulted in this pregnancy, i felt devastated but i did not respond and have still kept my silence with her. 3weeks ago somehow i stumbled across BPD disorder and started reading the stuff on the internet about bpd, I was shocked! i also bought and read some of the great books on the disorder and i just couldn't believe that this information was explaining my ex in such detail, although my ex doesn't have a diagnosis and i have never told her i think she might have bpd here are some of her symptoms  -panic attacks, extreme anxiety, exma flair ups on her hands, IBS, anger outbursts, idealisation followed by devaluation, fear of abandonment, etc but no suicidal or self harming. This new information i have learned about mental health disorders has been invaluable to me, although i will never get back with my ex it has helped me see that women are not crazy (i don't mean to offend any women on here) which people and friends would always tell me and that this disorder can affect anyone.
I would like to thank the creators of this website and all the people who have studied and written books on this disorder for helping me see the world in a different light.
Thank you everyone

Wow I am so glad to read this and glad to see you have continued to stick to no contact.   I am no psychologist but it sure does sound like your ex is a borderline or narcissist, at least one of the cluster B personality disorders.   It can be dismaying to have been apart, no contact for a whole year, and still be so affected by the text you received from her about being pregnant.  Have you looked into any techniques for healing the trauma bond?  The trauma bond, and underlying trauma, is the thing which keeps you thinking about her much longer than you would otherwise.

[SinisterComplex]

I met a woman 3 years ago and fell in love, it was intense but there was also some strange things going on that i just didn't understand or know why they were happening. One day i would be the best thing to ever have happened to her and the following day she would be ending the relationship for no good reason and she would play the victim- go into work crying and telling everyone that we had broken up. This behaviour really confused me and for a while i would take on all the resposablilty for the break up-apologising and promising to be a better partner in future. We split up about 4 times in 2 years which she did the breaking up all the time, the final break up happened in june last year and although i was devastated I had a feeling that something was wrong with this woman and I knew this time I must not get back with her and distance myself from her. But I also wanted an understanding of what was going on because i was sick and tired of my mates saying she was just another crazy chick and all women are the same, this stigma by men on women would always bother me because i knew that all women are human beings and most are lovely people and yes some may have an illness. So i relentlessly started looking for answers, every week once a week my ex texts me (even to today) and these text messages range from- I hate you why are you ignoring me- to -i want you back and i love you. i have never responded to a single message from her since june last year. All this time i have been concentrating on myself doing meditation eating healthy and really being the best version of myself that i can be, she recently text me to say she was 6 months pregnant and that she went to australia on holiday in november last year to get over me and had a one night stand which had resulted in this pregnancy, i felt devastated but i did not respond and have still kept my silence with her. 3weeks ago somehow i stumbled across BPD disorder and started reading the stuff on the internet about bpd, I was shocked! i also bought and read some of the great books on the disorder and i just couldn't believe that this information was explaining my ex in such detail, although my ex doesn't have a diagnosis and i have never told her i think she might have bpd here are some of her symptoms  -panic attacks, extreme anxiety, exma flair ups on her hands, IBS, anger outbursts, idealisation followed by devaluation, fear of abandonment, etc but no suicidal or self harming. This new information i have learned about mental health disorders has been invaluable to me, although i will never get back with my ex it has helped me see that women are not crazy (i don't mean to offend any women on here) which people and friends would always tell me and that this disorder can affect anyone.
I would like to thank the creators of this website and all the people who have studied and written books on this disorder for helping me see the world in a different light.
Thank you everyone

Welcome to the Fam.  Happy you found us, but truly sorry for the circumstances that led to you having to seek us out. Please continue to post, vent, and ask as many questions as you feel you need to or want to. Share as much as you want to. The point is...we are all fam here. You picked the right place to seek solace. Take your time and I am pretty sure you will receive the support you seek from us staff and the community as a whole here.

In the meantime please be kind to you and take care of yourself

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[Huntinfool123]

Welcome!  I am sorry to hear your story.  Glad you kept looking to see what may have caused her to act this way.  I have been dealing with an undiagnosed cluster B as well.  I have dealt with a lot of the similarities as you have.  I am so glad you pointed out her symptoms because my wife has many of the same symptoms but lacking the same ones as well.  Extreme anxiety, Psoriosis flair ups on her entire body, IBS, anger outbursts, idealisation followed by devaluation but no fear of abandonment, no suicidal or self harming.  She doesn't like it when I don't answer the phone or text back right away, but she doesn't seem to care about abandonment. It is my understanding everyone is different, with different symptoms and triggers.  I hope you find solice in your research and knowing all women are like that.  I'm 2 days into separation with my wife of 24 years and I feared the same.  Are all women like this?  Will I find someone else and will it be the same? 

Thanks for posting!