Triangulation just started trying to hold 5 months of NC, tips or pointers?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Basically went back to their "abusive" (not even sure anymore) ex. I actually like them. I didn't know during breakup and was a little mad/butt hurt because of the lies initially and learning the timelines I was a rebound and didn't know it. Then I realized it probably wasn't planned since its so impulsive and they needed emotional regulation and never had proper closure like usual recycling but whatever. However, it appeared to happen about 30 days post breakup so some new wounds opened in me. I am starting to ruminate on how I was set up but I should settle this soon. Stuff like my ex didn't want anything on Facebook and didn't do it until 6 months later now etc...Basically I'm trying not to fall for the manipulations/drama. The next day I felt so elated however that I might be free from the "charming". Felt love radiating from me and really wished the best in my heart for my ex for the first time. The "new/old" SO blasted it all over so there was no way I wouldn't find out. I got a stupid Instagram people you know and my ex is there (public) suddenly. I am trying not to block to show no emotion since I didn't do it originally and honestly haven't felt the need as I have been blocked everywhere and there is weird friend/town dynamics if you read my prior posts. I am trying to deescalate to extinction and thought the Insta profile was a peace offering of sorts but I didn't do anything. I will only break NC if I am actually talked to and try to grey-rock. I was basically really happy for a few days and wished the best for them. Stupid ME! Then the "charming" fake profile blasts started. I did go to the new SO's page and noticed the same "burner" accounts on some of his posts. Relationship status is up on the page but not my ex's but my ex liked it within the last week. Then today I got the dreaded phone calls and no messages from my ex from the clinic next to their house I have been contacted from in the past. (After breakup anxiety attacks, etc...) I know it's to rile me up/back burner as this relationship will fail eventually or engulfment is starting cause the new SO blasted it all over, and I am almost detached. Also, there was some distance between us now conveniently we are all in the same town YAHHHHH! I know the in-person "chance" meeting is coming. I feel like its a trap. I am too empathetic and still working on my boundaries. Do I block? The anxiety is decreasing and I am ok. I am just worried of more escalation after that as I have not had a text or VM yet due to my prior protest behavior. So it's mostly all negative reinforcement stuff anyways. I am thinking my ex wants a reaction out of me to justify and alleviate the shame or just feed the ego. Or do I need to prove I am not an option anymore and let the chips fall as they may. I am soo close. Then like the Godfather line "Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In!" Any input would be much appreciated!

[UnbalancedForce]

Basically went back to their "abusive" (not even sure anymore) ex. I actually like them. I didn't know during breakup and was a little mad/butt hurt because of the lies initially and learning the timelines I was a rebound and didn't know it. Then I realized it probably wasn't planned since its so impulsive and they needed emotional regulation and never had proper closure like usual recycling but whatever. However, it appeared to happen about 30 days post breakup so some new wounds opened in me. I am starting to ruminate on how I was set up but I should settle this soon. Stuff like my ex didn't want anything on Facebook and didn't do it until 6 months later now etc...Basically I'm trying not to fall for the manipulations/drama. The next day I felt so elated however that I might be free from the "charming". Felt love radiating from me and really wished the best in my heart for my ex for the first time. The "new/old" SO blasted it all over so there was no way I wouldn't find out. I got a stupid Instagram people you know and my ex is there (public) suddenly. I am trying not to block to show no emotion since I didn't do it originally and honestly haven't felt the need as I have been blocked everywhere and there is weird friend/town dynamics if you read my prior posts. I am trying to deescalate to extinction and thought the Insta profile was a peace offering of sorts but I didn't do anything. I will only break NC if I am actually talked to and try to grey-rock. I was basically really happy for a few days and wished the best for them. Stupid ME! Then the "charming" fake profile blasts started. I did go to the new SO's page and noticed the same "burner" accounts on some of his posts. Relationship status is up on the page but not my ex's but my ex liked it within the last week. Then today I got the dreaded phone calls and no messages from my ex from the clinic next to their house I have been contacted from in the past. (After breakup anxiety attacks, etc...) I know it's to rile me up/back burner as this relationship will fail eventually or engulfment is starting cause the new SO blasted it all over, and I am almost detached. Also, there was some distance between us now conveniently we are all in the same town YAHHHHH! I know the in-person "chance" meeting is coming. I feel like its a trap. I am too empathetic and still working on my boundaries. Do I block? The anxiety is decreasing and I am ok. I am just worried of more escalation after that as I have not had a text or VM yet due to my prior protest behavior. So it's mostly all negative reinforcement stuff anyways. I am thinking my ex wants a reaction out of me to justify and alleviate the shame or just feed the ego. Or do I need to prove I am not an option anymore and let the chips fall as they may. I am soo close. Then like the Godfather line "Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In!" Any input would be much appreciated!

[capecodling]

“Just when I thought I was out …. they pull me back in.” — that should be the tagline for this entire forum!  

I feel you, man.  I vibe with what you are saying because I am there too where you are: its like you recognize her ridiculous bag of BPD tricks, which perhaps she doesn’t even know she is doing, the endless push-pull-push-discard-charm-rinse-repeat…..

And you are even in a place of feeling better without her than you ever felt with her, you know she’s bad for you, she’s toxic poison, to be honest aside for the sex she isn’t even very much fun to be around.  In fact it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off your chest to be free of her…..

And still part of us craves the validation of having her chase again.   Its the trauma bond.  It wants to keep the connection alive at all costs, even if the cost is your health, wealth, happiness, and freedom.  This is the heart of the detachment process from a BPDex —- seeing the bond to her for what it really is and then dissolving that bond.  This is why, I believe, a lot of us are really here.

[UnbalancedForce]

You are right, I have read it a million times. I appreciate your response as it is exactly what I am going through. 6 months out I am and I just blocked my ex today in everyway I can think of. It is the trauma bond still talking. The charming has kept me hooked. It's so sad these feelings. I feel guilt and shame for doing this and shouldn't feel that way at all. Time will be the healer.

[capecodling]

I heard a psychologist give a talk on BPD, about how you essentially become their parent, and that makes the bond --- the trauma bond --- harder to break.  This "parentifying" of you means some of the grief you experience apart is of a parent who has abandoned a child.   Its a horrible feeling.   To be honest, the worst part of leaving was feeling like I had abandoned her.   But its also your own mind playing tricks on you, with the parent-child aspect of the trauma bond.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHc-OfrzWn8