The BPD Favourite Person

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

An interesting study released last year:

Understanding a Mutually Destructive Relationship Between Individuals With Borderline Personality Disorder and Their Favourite Person

Quite a revelation for me, as this was my experience with my BPDex as well.

Eventually, she triangulated me into the relationship to induce jealousy (I wasn’t), and the friend became an object of obsession for her.

It was bizarre.  At one point, they had gone to an estate sale together, and my ex returned many hours later with piles of cast-off tat, in raptures over her experience.

I used to deal in antiques, so she suggested that we go to the estate sale together the next day.

From her descriptions, I pictured a grand Victoria mansion teeming in priceless antiques.

So, the “Grand Victorian mansion” was actually a clapped-out sh!thole, and all of the antique furniture was as valuable as kindling.

At first I thought that she had taken me to another estate sale, and that we’d be going to the other one later in day.

When we ran into her friend later, I was alarmed to discover that my ex had mirrored her friend’s assessment of the estate sale right down to the letter.

My background is in antiques, paintings, Persian rugs, etc., so my ex was well exposed to valuable things.  It was bizarre to listen to her rabbiting on about the useless junk in the estate sale.

Everything her friend said or did was glorious beyond measure in her eyes.

All of this fell off my radar at the time.

It’s all just freaking weird.

[Augustine]

An interesting study released last year:

Understanding a Mutually Destructive Relationship Between Individuals With Borderline Personality Disorder and Their Favourite Person

Quite a revelation for me, as this was my experience with my BPDex as well.

Eventually, she triangulated me into the relationship to induce jealousy (I wasn’t), and the friend became an object of obsession for her.

It was bizarre.  At one point, they had gone to an estate sale together, and my ex returned many hours later with piles of cast-off tat, in raptures over her experience.

I used to deal in antiques, so she suggested that we go to the estate sale together the next day.

From her descriptions, I pictured a grand Victoria mansion teeming in priceless antiques.

So, the “Grand Victorian mansion” was actually a clapped-out sh!thole, and all of the antique furniture was as valuable as kindling.

At first I thought that she had taken me to another estate sale, and that we’d be going to the other one later in day.

When we ran into her friend later, I was alarmed to discover that my ex had mirrored her friend’s assessment of the estate sale right down to the letter.

My background is in antiques, paintings, Persian rugs, etc., so my ex was well exposed to valuable things.  It was bizarre to listen to her rabbiting on about the useless junk in the estate sale.

Everything her friend said or did was glorious beyond measure in her eyes.

All of this fell off my radar at the time.

It’s all just freaking weird.

[UnbalancedForce]

It's interesting, I have been hanging around in BPD forums. During the past few months I have seen a lot like what you wrote. I have found that FP's sh%$ does not stink. They poop golden eggs. It is funny they could beat them to a pulp and sell them into slavery and they are still the next coming of Christ. Yet the moment they critique them for something they get painted black for leaving a dirty dish. The other thing I noticed was they fall into two categories. One being like above. The other is some that are currently/or have had a little therapy absolutely HATE when they feel attachment turning into a BP. They know how crazy it makes them and they usually ghost and feel deep shame for it because they love them. They try so hard to not let it turn into that. It is usually when their current SO is actually not abusive and/or secure-ish. They still can't face the intimacy however. I just found that interesting. Talking about hindsight and radar, I always knew something was off but I really needed that "high" at the time. As sometimes I still fall into rumination spells I feel like another "incident" pops in my head that I overlooked. It is definitely all just freaking weird.

[Turkish]

She sounds like a Hoarder. My mom was.

[Collaguazo]

After reading the article, I strongly suspect my ex’s FP was her dad. By all accounts, he was a good man but her admiration (more on this later) for him was 100% unconditional and flawless. I believe he also provided her with BPDs much needed emotional support as her mother is rather cold and judgmental.

Sadly he passed away 5 years ago and I believe he left a void she still doesn’t know how to manage and projects on her romantic partners. She would always say that she needed to admire a man first before falling in love.

However, influenced by her mother, she confused admiration with economic success. I remember one time we were together the 3 of us and a family friend. She was talking about how the new generations think of relationships and mentioned that her 20 year old daughter wouldnt mind a partner that could stay at home, raise the kids, etc if she was having a successful career.

Both my ex and her mother jumped right away and simultaneously exclaimed: But what about the admiration? I could never admire a man like that! (Pretty ironic, if you ask me, considering her mother never worked and stayed at home raising her daughters and my ex burned all her savings  trying to maintain their luxurious life style when her ex husband went broke)

Sorry for the rant, but it pissed me off how my ex would sometimes place all the economic burden on me and insinuate I would be worthless if I can’t  provide it.

[Augustine]

After reading the article, I strongly suspect my ex’s FP was her dad. By all accounts, he was a good man but her admiration (more on this later) for him was 100% unconditional and flawless. I believe he also provided her with BPDs much needed emotional support as her mother is rather cold and judgmental.

…

Sorry for the rant, but it pissed me off how my ex would sometimes place all the economic burden on me and insinuate I would be worthless if I can’t  provide it.

Yes, we’re singing from the same hymn sheet.

The interesting facet concerning the BPD Favourite Person is that they become an obsession, but conversely, due to their high rejection sensitivity, they also hate them as well, as they anticipate an inevitable abandonment.

What an exhausting way of getting through life.

Women in general are pretty bad with their hypergamous instinct, but add a splash of BPD, and it’s a one-way ticket to hell.