she is here but wont commit cuz I´m the bad guy and she "just cant"

[kaycee]

shes cold af, one good day then weeks of not seeing each other cuz the next she split and everything was bad , this was going for a while cuz she convinced herself Im the bad guy and abusive and she´s scared "it will happen again" I tried to explain its her being scared "she is gonna happen again" that it have nothing to do with me when she got them outbursts.
so Idk , I always get argumentative and defensive when she blame shifts or tells false narratives.
for example I tell how my mental health is fxcked cuz the push pulll and her behavior and she responds with: u purposely destroy my mental health. --like wtf, what should I respond or do in such situations ?
should I really validate them in such situation and take the blame ? apologizing and promising to be better there for her ? lets call it positive manipulating , but how do I do that?

(before someone .me "manipulate mimi" there also positive manipulating, they r like childs and once she split at me and I started to talk "he since when do u wear silver jewelry than gold one , i see the new bracelet , funny she literally said "i know what u r doing" but it still worked and I get to hold her hand and we talked bo

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Trying123]

for example I tell how my mental health is fxcked cuz the push pulll and her behavior and she responds with: u purposely destroy my mental health. --like wtf, what should I respond or do in such situations ?
should I really validate them in such situation and take the blame ? apologizing and promising to be better there for her ? lets call it positive manipulating , but how do I do that?

First of all, your mental health is not her responsibility. Telling anyone that your mental health is garbage because of them is not a fair statement. So of course she responds the way she does. Boundaries are what will help you get to a place where her moods and actions won’t affect you as much.

As far as what to say to her when she makes a comment about you destroying her mental health - “that must be a very frustrating thing to believe. I can see how our arguments could be effecting you. Is there anything I can do to help?” She may or may not come up with something, then you can decide if that works for you or if you have some other suggestion based off that. If she comes back with name calling or more accusations you can excuse yourself until she’s ready to talk calmly.

[kaycee]

its not me saying it randomly, its after her splitting and devaluing me after I even get panic attacks.. so yea I can pretty sure say its because of her that my mental health is fxkced. its her not seeing me or hearing me that its her destroying us for half a year now but then when I say how my mental is bad cuz of this it triggers her and she just say it back out of a random principle that im doing it purposely to her , when im sure u know all we do is try our best with pwbpd.

I posted in reverse break up board.. so me setting boundaries results in her saying "okay bye" *blocking me . thats how this goes.. so yeea. she in state wheres shes distanced and cold.. and when I try to find her to talk about the relationship she wont give me clarity, for example I texted her today if it its just our situation now or if she never see us together climbing rocks in another country (favourite memory at vacation) she just ghosted me..
in general she been cold for  long.. being secretive with her phone, I dont really know whats going on in her life, i mean she kinda tells me but so briefly that it hurts.

[Smedley Butler]

so yea I can pretty sure say its because of her that my mental health is fxkced.

i can pretty sure say you need to take ownership of your own mental health before you can take any further steps.  stop blaming her.