sister is in crisis and I don't know what to do

[help4sis]

Hello BPDFamily Community,

I'm new here and don't know much of the lingo or conventions yet (please forgive), but I thought this would be worth a try.  Posts I've read here seem so supportive and helpful, and I'm wondering if anyone has advice for our family at a moment of crisis.

My sister is undiagnosed BPD (uBPD?), but she has demonstrated all of the symptoms for decades, and various mental health professionals I've spoken with over the years--including one I called today about her current status--have said that it indeed sounds like BPD. Of course I don't know for sure, but when the shoe seems to fit so well...

She is now in her mid-50s. As of a couple of decades ago she lived a fairly emotionally volatile existence but also managed to work, have fun, and keep an ever-changing roof over her head, even while frequently changing jobs and apartments and cutting off friends.

She then cut off contact with our family for many years, but recently reconnected and moved to be closer to family. However in the intervening years her uBPD (if that's what it is) seems to have evolved in a much more serious direction. She now says that someone is trying to kill her--not in person, but by some sort of energetic takeover of her brain and body, and by causing her great pain. She also says that the person killed one of her beloved cats, and is continuing to try to harm her and the cats in many different ways, and has been hacking her phone and technology devices for the last two years. 

Clearly she *is* in a great deal of emotional pain, and I believe she may have had some (real) traumatic experiences over the past few years, and a lot of stress - much of which comes from not being able to provide a safe stable home for herself, but is nonetheless real stress of course. And I know there was trauma for her in childhood, when she was very young, but she refuses to consider that as a factor in her life and mental health today.

So this evening she threatened suicide for the second time in a week, as part of a long thread of "help" texts in which she also indicated that the person noted above was "killing" her and her cats. Last time I called local police, who did a wellness check. Turns out she had not harmed herself, and she said the next day that she "would never do that." This evening I again requested a wellness check, and I subsequently received a text from her saying she's "fine." She also said that the person who is trying to harm her actually sent the suicide threat text (or more precisely, she seemed to be saying they were controlling her somehow when she sent the texts.)

It seems clear that she needs serious help, but resources are limited and we, her family, are completely out of our depth. Right now she does not have a home, having recently left (with drama) the room she was renting. I paid for 6 then 3 more nights in a hotel until she receives some sort of monthly payment (disability perhaps?) next week, but am unable to do that again. I don't know her insurance situation yet but doubt she has any kind of significant coverage, and none of us in her immediate family have additional resources to cover treatment for her, or even additional rooms in our homes. 

And I suppose first, I don't even know if we could get her to agree to any sort of treatment, since she's convinced that the source of all of her problems is the person who is "ruining her life." It seems very important to her that we "believe" this, by the way.  Also she mentioned that she saw a psychiatrist for a time "for PTSD" in her former town, but she seems to have dropped out of contact with him when she moved this year. 

Bottom line, I'm hoping we can figure out how to get her some serious help, but it's all so overwhelming. Any suggestions for next steps would be most welcome, if only some starting place ideas. 

Thank you for "listening."

[Older sister]

If she ends up being hospitalized, then there may be a way forward, with assistance from agencies, etc. Perhaps you should find out what’s available, so you will feel more in control. If she’s indirectly threatening suicide, and is possibly schizoid, and you’ve done due diligence with the (fruitless)wellness check, there’s not much else you can do. You’ve already helped financially. Be sure to keep that boundary firm. (No more $)
It’s very painful to see a sister so close to the edge. I know.

[help4sis]

Thank you, Older Sister.  I appreciate the advice (and understanding).

[kells76]

Hi and welcome, help4sis  It's so clear from your post that what you want for your sister is a healthy, safe life, and yet it's so difficult to find a way in to really effect change.

As you settle in here and check out other threads and start thinking about how to move forward, one helpful resource might be the book I am Not Sick I Don't Need Help! by Dr. Xavier Amador. He has a brother with schizophrenia, and so draws on that experience to describe how to have a "cooperative relationship" with a family member with MH issues.

Take a look at the reviews -- I'm hoping it's a good read for your situation and, like you mentioned, it could spark some ideas for next steps.

...

Are you the only family member to whom she threatens suicide?

[help4sis]

Hi Kells76,

Thank you for the welcome and suggestions.  I've ordered the book!   

And per your question, the first time she threatened suicide she did so in email and voicemail messages to a handful of people - one of whom she barely knew. The second time it was just a text to me.

Looking forward to learning more on this site--thanks again.