exhausted

[AngelinaG]

Hi,
I have two young children 2 years old and 3 weeks old. My husband has BPD/BPD traits. I don’t know anyone else who lives with a difficult personality like this, it’s very lonely. My family is wonderful and supportive but I hate burdening them with my issues. We have been seeing a marriage counselor after my first son was born. He told me one-on-one that my husband has a very difficult personality and that he thinks he has BPD along with some other things. My husband doesn’t know this. We have been in counseling ever since. Things get better and then worse again. Anyway, I’m just looking to connect with someone who can understand.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thankful person]

Hi Angelina, and welcome!

You will find lots of support and information and wonderful people on the site and forums.

I’ve been on here a couple of years now. I am in a lesbian marriage where my wife was diagnosed bpd before we met. She thinks she’s cured now since she stopped self-harming, but she is very difficult and still so constantly critical of me that I wonder whether our marriage will survive it. We have 3 little ones aged 3, 2, and 10 mths. Biologically they are hers, ivf conceived, but legally they are mine too.

I wish you all the best on your journey. I found lots of success with what I learnt on here at first but then for some reason everything’s gone wrong since baby 3 arrived and I feel like I’m in permanent crisis.

[waverider]

Hi,
I have two young children 2 years old and 3 weeks old. My husband has BPD/BPD traits. I don’t know anyone else who lives with a difficult personality like this, it’s very lonely. My family is wonderful and supportive but I hate burdening them with my issues. We have been seeing a marriage counselor after my first son was born. He told me one-on-one that my husband has a very difficult personality and that he thinks he has BPD along with some other things. My husband doesn’t know this. We have been in counseling ever since. Things get better and then worse again. Anyway, I’m just looking to connect with someone who can understand.

In order to reduce the endless exhausting you will learn how to cope more efficiently with the situation you are in rather than taking on the extra fruitless energy sap of trying to fix or change you partner. Changing your side of the fence rewards you, trying to change the other side is massively unrewarding and generally futile

[Chercher]

Hi Angelina - Welcome! I think you will find that you have just found yourself an enormously helpful resource with this site. Take time to explore the Tools tab above, reading through the different posts and replies. There is a lot of support available here. I would highly recommend reading and learning as much as you can about BPD via books or audiobooks. I find the Bing search tab very helpful if I want to learn about a specific issue like splitting, setting boundaries, etc. It will conduct a search within all of the posts on this site.

It is extremely challenging to be in a relationship with someone with BPD, especially while also trying to be a mom to two little ones. You are not alone, and you are courageous in trying to ask for support and help, not only through marriage counseling but also here.

You mentioned that you are in counseling and that things seem to improve for a bit and then get worse again. What patterns have you noticed about what improves things and what makes things worse? If you feel comfortable sharing some of the specific issues or challenges you are experiencing, it might be easier for the members here to reach out with their experiences/wisdom/ideas.

Once again, welcome, and let us know how you are doing.

Take care