Sleep patterns

[dtkm]

Is it normal for a pwBPD to not sleep?  Stepping out of the crazy, I am noticing patterns more than when I was knee deep in the crazy. His sleep tends to be a big indicator of where he is in his cycle. Day one of his split he usually starts off in a good mood, one of us leaves for work and the split begins. Night one, he will not sleep, usually going to the couch around 1, 2 or 3 am and watching tv the rest of the night. The second and third night of the split is usually close to the same, but he spends a little more time in bed than the first night. He then switches to going to bed early for the rest of the split and getting up around 4 am. Eventually he switches back to white and sleeps normal…to which he says he can only do if he is cuddled up with me, which is true…the second we cuddle up he is passed out, snoring and all. I used to try to “rescue” him the nights he wouldn’t sleep and cuddle up with him, which would help him but he would still be up most of the night on nights one and two (but it also feels like he isn’t there in his body during these times so he probably can’t even relax). As of late, I have decided it isn’t my responsibility to rescue him from himself any longer, so I don’t do this. I have been acknowledging how I hope he is able to get sleep some time and that he must be very tired. He cycles with his eating and working out too with where he is in his cycles. It is so strange to me…one day he will literally only eat eggs, tuna, chicken, etc and the next day he is eating candy, meatball subs, and a package of Oreos!  

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[Augustine]

Yes, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of nights per year that she had a full, uninterrupted night’s sleep.

She’d lie awake for hour after hour looking at her phone.

She’d also be annoyed when it was clear that I was sleeping soundly, and either jar the bed, or prod me, until I woke-up.

She’d then claim that I was snoring too loudly (If she’s wide awake, what possible difference does it make?).

Being woken up repeatedly used to annoy me, but in time I was just too tired to engage with her anymore about it, so I’d just roll over, watch her on her phone for a minute of two, then quickly nod off again.

…and it became progressively worse over time.

I’ve read that this problem is a common feature with BPD.

[Cat Familiar]

My husband has chronic insomnia. I think it’s because his mind is always spinning and he can’t turn it off enough to relax and fall asleep.

[maxsterling]

I've always wondered if this was a chicken/egg problem.  Which comes first, the insomnia or the bad mood?  My W will complain how tired she is, then stay up scrolling on her phone, then complain the next morning that she doesn't sleep.  I don't think she tries, because I don't think she wants to be alone with her thoughts.  Of course, she sometimes blames me and will sometimes deliberately make me up, gets envious of me sleeping, etc.   The next night, she may fall asleep at 8pm, but be awake at 2, then complain she was up all night.  The things people suggest to her regarding sleep hygiene she never tries.  She says it is anxiety or fibromyalgia pain that is keeping her up.  I think those two tend to have a strong association with each other.  Yet the things most people do to manage anxiety she won't do, and instead usually does things that makes things worse - read the news before bed, eat junk food, send out lengthy and emotionally loaded text messages, etc.