Thanks SD, please don’t apologise. You are not responsible for my feelings…
TP,
I would like to rephrase that to that 'I am not responsible for your actions; however, I should be mindful of your feelings' where I meet you at an appropriate level at where you are at - I made an error in not realizing you were at a more difficult place emotionally, and that is okay.
I know that I am blunt, sometimes too blunt, extremely straight-forward, and to some this can seem
abrasive - and being abrasive can
hurt - I am aware of this. I was apologizing for being too
abrasive, as I should have used more tact [hindsight is 20/20], and hopefully I did when responding to your post last night.
Some like me telling it 'like it is', as they know exactly where they stand in my opinion(s). Others do not like this, and I have to adjust my approach to meet them where they are at for each person I respond to.
Also, be mindful, I am not a licensed professional, and I am not degreed in a related field, but I do study books, watch videos, read up on clinical studies, deliberately interact with those that have the disorder so I can learn from them to apply it to my unique set of circumstances, among other activities directly or indirectly related to pwBPD. I am retired, so I have time to do all of this.
I also love to share what I have learned with others, here on these forums. What works for me, and what doesn't, and hopefully, others can gain from my experiences and apply it to their own circumstances, just as I have learned from others here, you included, from their and your own personal experiences on what works and what doesn't work with a intimate relationship with a borderline.
It is a process, and each of us are at a different stage in this process, some get stuck and stay stuck, others get unstuck only to get stuck again, others are stuck for a while until they get direction [this is me], and others can see a way almost immediately, and are here only for a few days before they move on [I envy those people], this is my goal - and as I am a natural people pleaser, I am trying to help others reach this realization too.
I hope that makes sense.
As always, take care with self-care.
SD
