avoiding escalation

[brainsoup]

hello hello hello
sorry if the topic has been discussed before
i am new here...

my romantic partner exhibits BPD traits
he has not been diagnosed

we were recently supposed to attend a therapy meeting together as he is aware that 'something is wrong' (his own words) he had suggested the therapy, begging me to come back after 3 months without contact

just before the meeting he ended up leaving as he has been doing compulsively for the better of 5 years (he must have 'left' at least 20 times). the reasons differ over time, but they always have to do with me, and enter a complete dead end

i am very fond of this person. i questioned my love for him at times as it has been extremely painful, and though he never was physically abusive, he certainly was verbally violent

over time he has asked me to not 'just let him go' when he leaves and exits the discussion, to try and stay in touch with him

i am stepping on my pride here, and doing that, trying to reengage in discussion, but i really don't know if it's of any help as he his re-affirming some rather horrible things he said and heavily gaslighting by transforming the discussion

i wan't to help our relationship but i also want to safeguard my mental health

i am seeing a therapist and discussing my own health, but i don't feel like it's the right place to seek counsel as to how to deal with my relationship

any advice?

thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome It's up to you if you want to pursue the relationship. I can say that relationships with pwBPD can get better if you work at it but there will still be conflict that likely wouldn't occur in a "normal" relationship. It's a special needs kind of relationship like you've seen.

Other than that, check out the Tips menu at the top of the page for good info or read others' stories
 here.