Why does my uhwBPD become obsessed with certain topics or issues?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Even though my uhwBPD has been calm for about a month now, he’s still obsessed with one or two topics in the news as well as the construction of a new building near us. He worries a lot.  He gets excited, and he searches for people who validate his opinions on YouTube, and he plays it loudly when he finds them. Thank God he turns it down when I ask him to.  And he talks about these things over, and over, and over. Then, he wants me to keep engaging in conversations about this stuff all the time, but I just can’t. And I don’t want to!

So I find myself being nervous when he brings up his pet subjects, even though I KNOW I don’t have to be as interested in these topics as he is.  And it makes me angry too, because he tries to force me to talk sometimes.  It’s hard.   I’d love to be able to tell him he’s talking about this stuff way too much, and that I’m not interested.  I’ve tried doing that. He gets very angry.  He thinks he’s behaving normally and he says  there’s something wrong with me.   

He’s so hard to live with, even when he’s mostly pleasant and normal. I’m in my seventies.  I just want to live my golden years in peace. He wears me out. It’s like he talks about the same stuff over and over, on a loop sometimes. 

I once heard him on the phone with one of his friends, when he slipped into his pet topics.  I could tell his friend kept changing the subject.  But my hwuBPD kept going on, and on, and on, until eventually, he stopped.  Then, he and his friend went on to discuss other things.  When I change the subject, he shouts, “Don’t change the subject!” 

I can’t win.  Thank God for my friends. Thank God I get out of the house and I have my own life. But we are retired, so I have no choice but to spend a lot of time with him at home.

At least he’s  not criticizing me or blowing up at every little thing I say or do. I am grateful for that. 

I’m just venting.  He’s hard to live with.   I’ve just got to engage in more self care.  The gym. The movies. Lunch with friends.  Manicures.   It helps. And of course, I’m forever grateful that I found a safe place here.

[JazzSinger]

Even though my uhwBPD has been calm for about a month now, he’s still obsessed with one or two topics in the news as well as the construction of a new building near us. He worries a lot.  He gets excited, and he searches for people who validate his opinions on YouTube, and he plays it loudly when he finds them. Thank God he turns it down when I ask him to.  And he talks about these things over, and over, and over. Then, he wants me to keep engaging in conversations about this stuff all the time, but I just can’t. And I don’t want to!

So I find myself being nervous when he brings up his pet subjects, even though I KNOW I don’t have to be as interested in these topics as he is.  And it makes me angry too, because he tries to force me to talk sometimes.  It’s hard.   I’d love to be able to tell him he’s talking about this stuff way too much, and that I’m not interested.  I’ve tried doing that. He gets very angry.  He thinks he’s behaving normally and he says  there’s something wrong with me.   

He’s so hard to live with, even when he’s mostly pleasant and normal. I’m in my seventies.  I just want to live my golden years in peace. He wears me out. It’s like he talks about the same stuff over and over, on a loop sometimes. 

I once heard him on the phone with one of his friends, when he slipped into his pet topics.  I could tell his friend kept changing the subject.  But my hwuBPD kept going on, and on, and on, until eventually, he stopped.  Then, he and his friend went on to discuss other things.  When I change the subject, he shouts, “Don’t change the subject!” 

I can’t win.  Thank God for my friends. Thank God I get out of the house and I have my own life. But we are retired, so I have no choice but to spend a lot of time with him at home.

At least he’s  not criticizing me or blowing up at every little thing I say or do. I am grateful for that. 

I’m just venting.  He’s hard to live with.   I’ve just got to engage in more self care.  The gym. The movies. Lunch with friends.  Manicures.   It helps. And of course, I’m forever grateful that I found a safe place here.

[Cat Familiar]

What you are describing sounds like perseveration. Perseveration is repetitive and continuous behavior, speech or thought that occurs due to changes in cognitive skills such as memory, attention, and mental flexibility.

Check out this article: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences

[JazzSinger]

What you are describing sounds like perseveration. Perseveration is repetitive and continuous behavior, speech or thought that occurs due to changes in cognitive skills such as memory, attention, and mental flexibility.

Check out this article: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences

Thank you so much, Cat Familiar.  I’ve checked out the link, and I’ve read more about perseveration.  It seems like that’s what I’m dealing with. My uhwBPD gets stuck on things, and he’s talked about certain topics for as long as 20 years. It’s the same with his complaints about things he can’t change. He never stops talking about these things, over, and over, and over. It’s tough to live with, but knowledge is power.  So thanks again.

[townhouse]

Goodness JazzSinger I didn’t read your posts until after I had posted and was interested to see how I think,  our lives are very similar.
 My BPD husband and I are also both in our seventies and my recent post has many comparative points including the building developments going on near where we live

Also,  as you point out in this post of yours about your husband’s constant going on repetitively about certain topics. My husband also does this about politics local and world wide. I am interested in politics and world events myself but not to the obsession of saying the same thing everyday…He says things to me as a sort of a challenge perhaps hoping that I will have some point where we differ and then he can argue, berate and insult me if my opinion is not the exact same as his. There is no way anyone could ever win an argument with him because he is so forceful and just doesn’t listen to what I’m even saying. He ‘gets it wrong’ and argues against what I haven’t even said.

We (JazzSinger and I) differ in that apart from one daughter who he sees occasionally (but doesn’t talk politics because she wouldn’t like it) and myself there is no one else he talks to. He doesn’t like any old friends or relatives  (2 brothers) to even have a phone conversation with them.
Thanks to Cat Familiar for the word perseverance, I will look it up.

[ForeverDad]

Your post reminded me of that grumpy Mr. Mitchell in the movie "Dennis the Menace".  It was full of laughs... the chicklet replacement and the kidnapper under the bridge scenes.  Of course, this is more than grumpiness.