Break Up of Romantic Relationship

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I just read the book, upon recommendation of my therapist, Stop Walking on Eggshells and I know realize I have been in an on and off 6 year relationship with a man who has both narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.  Looking back and now understanding, and having done an autopsy of the relationship, it's clear as day.  This is a man I have known my entire life....our mom's were college roommates.  I had a crush on him since high school and we reunited in our 50's after we were both divorced.  The story is classic text book from what I've read about npd/bpd.  He has pulled away many times, and always come back, hat in hand with wonderful promises.  Last summer, he wrote an eloquent letter titled I know, I wish, I promise.  I loved him very much and still do, and said I would give the relationship another chance if he would seek therapy.  My therapist recommended Triquestrian, an equine treatment model, because you "can't fool the horse".  His behavior was seemingly better and he went for almost a year......and then, the center announced they were going to have the put "his" horse down. Thus, he went to say goodbye to the horse and never returned to treatment.  Since then his behavior returned to the same extreme patterns.  Six weeks ago, for the first time, I was the one to initiate the break up.  It has been an evil hell ever since with his retribution, even including dating another woman and making sure I knew about it because "she's just so much easier to be with!" Now, I am saving myself and working with my therapist to heal.  It will take some time, but understanding bpd is a very good first step to never go back again.  I cannot save him.  I need to save myself.  Thanks for reading this.

[FrancescaK]

I just read the book, upon recommendation of my therapist, Stop Walking on Eggshells and I know realize I have been in an on and off 6 year relationship with a man who has both narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.  Looking back and now understanding, and having done an autopsy of the relationship, it's clear as day.  This is a man I have known my entire life....our mom's were college roommates.  I had a crush on him since high school and we reunited in our 50's after we were both divorced.  The story is classic text book from what I've read about npd/bpd.  He has pulled away many times, and always come back, hat in hand with wonderful promises.  Last summer, he wrote an eloquent letter titled I know, I wish, I promise.  I loved him very much and still do, and said I would give the relationship another chance if he would seek therapy.  My therapist recommended Triquestrian, an equine treatment model, because you "can't fool the horse".  His behavior was seemingly better and he went for almost a year......and then, the center announced they were going to have the put "his" horse down. Thus, he went to say goodbye to the horse and never returned to treatment.  Since then his behavior returned to the same extreme patterns.  Six weeks ago, for the first time, I was the one to initiate the break up.  It has been an evil hell ever since with his retribution, even including dating another woman and making sure I knew about it because "she's just so much easier to be with!" Now, I am saving myself and working with my therapist to heal.  It will take some time, but understanding bpd is a very good first step to never go back again.  I cannot save him.  I need to save myself.  Thanks for reading this.

[SaltyDawg]

FrancescaK,

   Thank you for commenting here at BPD Family.  We are here to listen and support you.

   SWOE is an excellent book.  You are right that "I cannot save him.  I need to save myself" and it sounds like you are on a very good path for yourself.

   Feel free to come back and vent/chat as little or as much as you would like.  Each of us are dealing with our pwBPD (person with BPD) in our own unique and individual ways, it is a process. 

   It sounds like you have a good therapist.

   I am sure this has been emotionally exhausting for you, please do self-care whatever that might look like for you.

   Keep coming back, and update us on your progress, likewise, there are plenty of resources here for your recovery and many who have experienced a similar dynamic you have. 

   Take care.

SD