When you think you've got rid of all the disordered people...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Here's something to chuckle at (I hope).

So this year I'm spending Christmas on my own, after my "father" turned out to be merely the disordered lifelong stalker of my mother whom she was never actually involved with.

I had a good plan in place, Christmas dinner, dessert, a good Christmas film, and so on.

Halfway through cooking dinner, the electricity suddenly cuts out.

I live in an apartment and heard there was somebody in the hall. It was a woman from the apartment next door, which is largely uninhabited. She was tampering with the mains fuse box in the hall for some reason.

I told her that I had no electricity but she asserted it wasn't her fault, she hadn't done anything. All right. I checked my kitchen fusebox, it was all in order. I urged her to tell me what she had done but she only said "nothing, nothing". I told her that I was halfway through cooking Christmas dinner, that I was from a country celebrating on the 24th, far from home and on my own, and that I needed electricity: but she wouldn't tell me what was up. Instead, she looked me in the eyes, told me a long story of her innocence, and eventually said she would go get help.

Of course, that never happened, she just buggered off and vanished without a word.

I had to call emergency services and wait in a cold, dark apartment with an uncooked dinner, not knowing how long it would be. Not quite the Christmas I had planned.

The technician finally arrived. He opened the fusebox and was shocked: my neighbour had taken the fuse from my apartment and simply put it into the slot of hers!

So that fine lady not only stole my fuse, she knew full well she was ruining my Christmas, and worst of all, lied to my face about what she had done and then even pretended to "get help" to make a run for it.

There's an epilog. An hour later she shows up with two intimidated teenage children who made quite a ruckus in the hall. I confronted her about the fuse. Again, she denied any wrongdoing. I told her I had seen everything with my own eyes, her tampering as well as the technician opening the fuse box and seeing only one fuse – mine – in her slot. She tried to literally gaslight me and then went straight into word salad territory. All I thought was: My God, how many of them are there?

Eventually I told her: Look, if you didn't do anything wrong, go ahead and try your electricity! She refused at first but had to go into her apartment eventually, and lo – no electricity in her place. Cue her surprised Pikachu face. Even confronted with this evidence, she tried to deflect. Then more word salad: there had been two fuses... whom had I called? Where was the technician now? I hadn't seen anything, according to her. (I told her it was not for her to decide what I had seen with my own eyes and she was speechless.) Had I paid for the emergency service? No? Could I tell her the number? I showed her and she pretended to type it into her phone.

I told her that I was going to report her to the property manager and that if the electricity mysteriously cut out again, I'd report her to the police. She muttered something under her breath and skulked off with her children.


tl;dr A neighbour I'd never seen stole my apartment's fuse on Christmas Eve in order to use it herself, hence leaving me without electricity, then lied about it to my face multiple times, and tried to deflect when I confronted her.

Moral of the story: Even if you cut out all dysfunctional people from your life, some of them are still going to getcha. Life is a blooming tragicomedy.

[Sappho11]

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Here's something to chuckle at (I hope).

So this year I'm spending Christmas on my own, after my "father" turned out to be merely the disordered lifelong stalker of my mother whom she was never actually involved with.

I had a good plan in place, Christmas dinner, dessert, a good Christmas film, and so on.

Halfway through cooking dinner, the electricity suddenly cuts out.

I live in an apartment and heard there was somebody in the hall. It was a woman from the apartment next door, which is largely uninhabited. She was tampering with the mains fuse box in the hall for some reason.

I told her that I had no electricity but she asserted it wasn't her fault, she hadn't done anything. All right. I checked my kitchen fusebox, it was all in order. I urged her to tell me what she had done but she only said "nothing, nothing". I told her that I was halfway through cooking Christmas dinner, that I was from a country celebrating on the 24th, far from home and on my own, and that I needed electricity: but she wouldn't tell me what was up. Instead, she looked me in the eyes, told me a long story of her innocence, and eventually said she would go get help.

Of course, that never happened, she just buggered off and vanished without a word.

I had to call emergency services and wait in a cold, dark apartment with an uncooked dinner, not knowing how long it would be. Not quite the Christmas I had planned.

The technician finally arrived. He opened the fusebox and was shocked: my neighbour had taken the fuse from my apartment and simply put it into the slot of hers!

So that fine lady not only stole my fuse, she knew full well she was ruining my Christmas, and worst of all, lied to my face about what she had done and then even pretended to "get help" to make a run for it.

There's an epilog. An hour later she shows up with two intimidated teenage children who made quite a ruckus in the hall. I confronted her about the fuse. Again, she denied any wrongdoing. I told her I had seen everything with my own eyes, her tampering as well as the technician opening the fuse box and seeing only one fuse – mine – in her slot. She tried to literally gaslight me and then went straight into word salad territory. All I thought was: My God, how many of them are there?

Eventually I told her: Look, if you didn't do anything wrong, go ahead and try your electricity! She refused at first but had to go into her apartment eventually, and lo – no electricity in her place. Cue her surprised Pikachu face. Even confronted with this evidence, she tried to deflect. Then more word salad: there had been two fuses... whom had I called? Where was the technician now? I hadn't seen anything, according to her. (I told her it was not for her to decide what I had seen with my own eyes and she was speechless.) Had I paid for the emergency service? No? Could I tell her the number? I showed her and she pretended to type it into her phone.

I told her that I was going to report her to the property manager and that if the electricity mysteriously cut out again, I'd report her to the police. She muttered something under her breath and skulked off with her children.


tl;dr A neighbour I'd never seen stole my apartment's fuse on Christmas Eve in order to use it herself, hence leaving me without electricity, then lied about it to my face multiple times, and tried to deflect when I confronted her.

Moral of the story: Even if you cut out all dysfunctional people from your life, some of them are still going to getcha. Life is a blooming tragicomedy.

[anon331312]

And be careful, now they view you as their enemy even if it is their wrongdoing. They will likely hate you for:
- Making them look bad in front of their children
- Not lending your electricity for her young kids
- Being mean to her

I suggest installing some camera if your building allows.

[zachira]

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It can feel like we get chosen by disordered people because of our past history with disordered family members. It can be challenging to put into words what it feels like to have a neighbor do this to you, especially when you are trying to make the best of spending Christmas alone.
You did the right thing by standing up to this lady. I just hope she is discouraged by your boundary setting and not giving her second chances, AND she will leave you alone.

[TelHill]

Happy Christmas to you, too!

[TelHill]

The below was cut off due to my use of an iPhone Xmas tree emoji.

Part 2 --

That's annoying for sure. Some people have no knowledge about electrical infrastructure. She could have touched inside the empty fuse receptacle or disturbed the wiring. She's lucky she didn't hurt herself!

She may not have realized she was leaving you in the dark. But no excuse for lying to you after the fact and roping in her kids. Not a great example for children. Ugh! Get your landlord to lock the fuse box to prevent future problems. One thing you know for sure: your neighbor is not Tesla Jr.

I thought no one could be as bad as my bpd mother. With that thought and being isolated by my bpd mom, I overshared and made bad friendship and relationship choices. Horrible mistakes due to my lack of social experience. I was taken advantage of by a few work colleagues. 

I've learned the hard way it's smart to not share so much with people I don't know well due to loneliness or wanting to belong to a group.  I wish I knew this at 18 instead of 60. Better late than never I suppose.

Hope you got to enjoy your dinner, Sappho!

[SaltyDawg]

There's an epilog. An hour later she shows up with two intimidated teenage children who made quite a ruckus in the hall. I confronted her about the fuse. Again, she denied any wrongdoing. I told her I had seen everything with my own eyes, her tampering as well as the technician opening the fuse box and seeing only one fuse – mine – in her slot. She tried to literally gaslight me and then went straight into word salad territory. All I thought was: My God, how many of them are there?

Sappho,

Too many, regarding borderlines, 1 in 16 women have diagnosable BPD, and 1 in 19 men have diagnosable BPD based on a study of 35,000+ people (small margin for error).  Extrapolate that out to the current world population of 8 billion you are looking at hundreds of millions of people with borderline alone.  While there is too little to go on from what you have described to assess that.  It is estimated that 1 in 4 have some kind of mental health issue, you are looking at 2 billion people with diagnosable mental health conditions.

I hope your Christmas was a good one, even if it was a bit delayed.

Take care with self-care. 

SD

P.S.  Perhaps, keep an extra fuse on hand, should it happen again, they are relatively inexpensive, perhaps write your unit number on it, so there is no doubt where it came from.

[Sappho11]

Good news everyone. I reported the lady to the building's administration and they were absolutely shocked. I have a good relationship with the liaison there and it has paid off again. She said that she would also forward the information to the landlord of that thieving neighbour.

The next day when I left my apartment, there were two very smartly dressed people from the electricity company outside. One of them told me that, I quote, "a little rascal" had been stealing electricity from the network. Had I noticed any inflated bills? In fact I had. So as a belated Christmas present from Fate, my energy bills might drop in the next few months. The gentleman also installed a second fuse and told me there should be no more problems from here on out.

I was very happy with the swift way this had been handled, from the immediate visit of the service technician to the compassionate response of everyone dealing with the aftermath. I'm from a country that would have left me without electricity until after the holidays, so being taken care of immediately was a really refreshing and reassuring experience.

And be careful, now they view you as their enemy even if it is their wrongdoing. They will likely hate you for:
- Making them look bad in front of their children
- Not lending your electricity for her young kids
- Being mean to her

I suggest installing some camera if your building allows.

Thank you, yes, those were my first thoughts. I actually offered the lady to step into my apartment to talk in private but she insisted on doing it in front of her kids... well she'd been warned!

Thank you also for the camera suggestion. I ended up installing one the other day, and wouldn't you know it, it's already been of good use! There was a shady, violent-sounding delivery guy the other day, I checked the camera and he hadn't even turned on the light in the hall, so I didn't open the door and instead gave him instructions over the intercom. He suddenly threw a tantrum for some inexplicable reason and I was glad that the camera had been there!

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It can feel like we get chosen by disordered people because of our past history with disordered family members. It can be challenging to put into words what it feels like to have a neighbor do this to you, especially when you are trying to make the best of spending Christmas alone.
You did the right thing by standing up to this lady. I just hope she is discouraged by your boundary setting and not giving her second chances, AND she will leave you alone.

Thank you for validating my sentiment, zachira. I'm beginning to think that all of our traumas are in fact our superpowers. The incident bothered me on the evening, but the next day I could already laugh about it. When I told my (less traumatised) friends, they were all shocked! The flipside to having grown up with abuse is that later on, casual abuse from other people just doesn't throw you quite as much anymore.

The below was cut off due to my use of an iPhone Xmas tree emoji.

Part 2 --

That's annoying for sure. Some people have no knowledge about electrical infrastructure. She could have touched inside the empty fuse receptacle or disturbed the wiring. She's lucky she didn't hurt herself!

She may not have realized she was leaving you in the dark. But no excuse for lying to you after the fact and roping in her kids. Not a great example for children. Ugh! Get your landlord to lock the fuse box to prevent future problems. One thing you know for sure: your neighbor is not Tesla Jr.

Yes, that's what the electrician said too! The thing is, the fusebox actually IS locked. It's a particularity to this country, I've never seen fuseboxes like it. Apparently you need a special plastic tool to get it to open, and only the electricity company has it. Oh well.

P.S.  Perhaps, keep an extra fuse on hand, should it happen again, they are relatively inexpensive, perhaps write your unit number on it, so there is no doubt where it came from.

Yes, thank you, normally I do, but this country has special fuseboxes that aren't meant to be opened by the public. Thankfully the problem is resolved now.

[zachira]

I feel so warm hearted for you as I read how this was resolved. First of all, you stood up to this lady, AND you were listened to and action taken by both your landlord and the electric company. Your concerns were validated and taken care of. How often do we long for the abuses to stop and instead it continues to be enabled by others? We are on the road to recovery when we can see abuse for what it is, take effective actions ASAP, not give second chances to embolden the abusers and their enablers, AND not dwell too long or too intensely on how badly we were mistreated while quickly returning to a baseline of feeling mostly healthy and whole. You did all of these things and by doing so you set an example for all of us on this site.

[Sappho11]

I feel so warm hearted for you as I read how this was resolved. First of all, you stood up to this lady, AND you were listened to and action taken by both your landlord and the electric company. Your concerns were validated and taken care of. How often do we long for the abuses to stop and instead it continues to be enabled by others? We are on the road to recovery when we can see abuse for what it is, take effective actions ASAP, not give second chances to embolden the abusers and their enablers, AND not dwell too long or too intensely on how badly we were mistreated while quickly returning to a baseline of feeling mostly healthy and whole. You did all of these things and by doing so you set an example for all of us on this site.

Thank you zachira. I only did the bare minimum but you are right, this country and its people are very responsive and helpful. Yesterday morning the thought also crossed my mind that this is probably the feeling one gets from healthy parents – validation of one's concerns and problems being solved swiftly and reliably.

I'm from a stereotypically cold and chaotic nation, and the general warmth even among strangers was the main reason that compelled me to emigrate to here. In the first couple of months, the sentence I was told the most by locals was "But that's normal!" when thanked them for something nice they did. It's infinitely easier to get back to a healthy emotional baseline when your daily interactions with people are friendly and rewarding.

A couple of weeks ago I had to travel back to my home country to tie up the last loose ends. Out of nostalgia, I swung by my old workplace where I uneventfully rented rooms for more than ten years. The hostility I was met with there hit me like a brick. Three old clients (all healthy people) joined me for nostalgia's sake and also complained about the place, but also added: "Well it's always been that way!" Back then I didn't even notice, it was my "normal", and the only thing that told me that something was wrong was the fact that I was confused and depressed for years. This skewed "normalcy" also explains the unchecked presence of a lot of toxic people over the years. They didn't stand out back then. Now they do. And so, these days, it's infinitely easier to deal with them.

What I'm trying to say is, environment matters a lot. Even a very loose community of decent people helps immensely. I think many of us here are deeply bogged down in profoundly detrimental social structures. How many of us are in the situation where 80-90 percent (or all) of our interactions are with or about disordered family members, friends or partners? All too often we beat ourselves up and end up thinking "I have to improve myself so good people will like me", when it is rather the other way around: Once you find a good crowd, things will get better. Even your relationships with disordered people – or at least the effect they have on you.

Peace and best wishes to you for the New Year.