Hello everyone,
This is my first post and i try my best for you to understand what i try to say. I'm not a native speaker:)
I'm in a relationship with a pwBPD and it's my 6th relationship after all. I experienced 5 different relationships - all borderlines. I experienced some Kind of helping-syndrome in my personality and some childhood deficits in my persona which led me into thinking this might be the reaspn why i get in Touch with borderlines over and ovet again. But this time it's different.
My spouse seems to be a quiet borderline variant, she has only few to zero emotional outbursts, only when there's some reason even a 'normal' would freak out on. She's very caring, does everything that i need and even has sex with me whenever i want. There's been no Single day where she said she doesnt want it right now when i initiate intimacy. These are thibgs that make me feel like i'm in heaven - and experience i also had with the other ones. Only difference was they were super illogic and had regular episodes that drove me insane.
What Happens right now in my current relationship: she helped me out to pay my billss and everything after i had a real Bad accident and weren't be able to have a regular job. A very good side of her, she also listens to me carefully and does everything possible to make me feel loved.
She even had less money for her own needs later on, which was where i started to work again. Now, some months in, she all of sudden started to get her nails polished, wants to be tanned, a new tattoo , fake lashes. I got very suspicious and began to Argus and she replied ' it's because i couldn't pay it all before, i made all these things before i knew you too. Nothing to hide here. I'm surely not doing that to cheat on you or anything. Just respect that this was my nature before i paid all your stuff.'
Well, check mate. It makes sense, but is it the truth? On the other hand i can tell she's Either at work or at home. Nothing suspicious happened here. Though, whenever a relation
PLEASE READ in my past started to change their looks it was all the beginning of the end.
We had a very Bad Argument where i told her about my fears and past experiences wheee she refused to ackknowledge what my Problem was. After 2 days of discussing in the 'you made this, but then you saidthis'-style she toll me she can now understand. Rhe very next Moment i told her something about my fears and that i wissen she would unverstand such things quite earlier to prevent 2 days of burning earthes the Situation got worse and it endet up in a "i don't want you anymore" which changed into "i don't wann fight please" in Minuten after i calmed down a bit. Every time we fight it turbs into an endless discussing where i'm unable to make her understand the simplest things. Only when time passes by (some hours) she seems to be generous again.
She had 2 relationships in her entire life (7 and 9 years) and meanwhile a lot of
PLEASE READboys. But when she's in love she never cheated and is also a Muslim who believes in strong karma which makes me feel live she MIGHT be the one who isn't cheating. She also has a super normal life, works 8 hours a day with total focus on that. Has 3 children who are well educated.
What should and can I do to trust her anymore, because she's regularly telling me to end the relationship when the fight gete intense. It's breaking me down. In Addition to this i can't stand these never ending discussions/fights with no point after all.
I lovd her very much and i experience a super strong addiction to her also. Sometimes i wish i wouldn't know her so i wouldn't be into so much pain. But then, on the other hand, i love her so much. Her getting
PLEASE READed by another dude would total destroy my mental health for my life.
I hope you can understand it somehow, i'm not a native english speaker
Have a great day everyone
