Catholic looking for someone to talk to regarding mother with BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi everyone,

I have stumbled across this site a few times over the years, trying to understand my situation, but have never had the desire to post until now.

My mother has BPD, has been in and out of mental facilities since my childhood. Thankfully, I am grown now and live out of state, but have only recently been coming to terms with how growing up in the home I did effected me.

I am currently in engaged to a wonderful Catholic woman, someone who understands my life growing up from the outside looking in and desires for me to overcome these emotional obstacles I have found myself in. Lately, I have been dealing with the issue of never feeling sure of myself with decisions. This cropped up in college when I was deciding between majors, and sprouts it's head in my relationship and career choice - I never feel truly content with what I select, and constantly grapple with the pros/cons/doors that decisions will close and lock. This is something new that I have discovered about myself so my thoughts on it need some time to grow and mature, but big life decisions have been quite hard for me, and I cannot feel settled in them - or perhaps I make a choice and feel settled initially, but overthinking eventually leads to a mental breakdown that I made the wrong choice or should have picked something else.

I am looking for some support in this vein of not feeling content with my choices. I am currently seeing a psychologist and discuss growing up extensively, but it would be wonderful to find another Catholic man who has a BPD mother and has learned to cope with a similar problem.

[catholicguy]

Hi everyone,

I have stumbled across this site a few times over the years, trying to understand my situation, but have never had the desire to post until now.

My mother has BPD, has been in and out of mental facilities since my childhood. Thankfully, I am grown now and live out of state, but have only recently been coming to terms with how growing up in the home I did effected me.

I am currently in engaged to a wonderful Catholic woman, someone who understands my life growing up from the outside looking in and desires for me to overcome these emotional obstacles I have found myself in. Lately, I have been dealing with the issue of never feeling sure of myself with decisions. This cropped up in college when I was deciding between majors, and sprouts it's head in my relationship and career choice - I never feel truly content with what I select, and constantly grapple with the pros/cons/doors that decisions will close and lock. This is something new that I have discovered about myself so my thoughts on it need some time to grow and mature, but big life decisions have been quite hard for me, and I cannot feel settled in them - or perhaps I make a choice and feel settled initially, but overthinking eventually leads to a mental breakdown that I made the wrong choice or should have picked something else.

I am looking for some support in this vein of not feeling content with my choices. I am currently seeing a psychologist and discuss growing up extensively, but it would be wonderful to find another Catholic man who has a BPD mother and has learned to cope with a similar problem.

[TelHill]

Hello catholicguy,

I am a lifelong Catholic and a female with a dBPD mother. I know it's not what you're looking for exactly.

I agonize over making the correct choice constantly. I think part of it is wanting to be perfect perhaps to please the person above  who sometimes can take on the shape and voice of my bpd mom.

I find going to CoDA a 12 step program for CoDependents to be a very helpful adjunct to practicing my faith while healing from the abuse caused by my FOO.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

[catholicguy]

Hello catholicguy,

I am a lifelong Catholic and a female with a dBPD mother. I know it's not what you're looking for exactly.

I agonize over making the correct choice constantly. I think part of it is wanting to be perfect perhaps to please the person above  who sometimes can take on the shape and voice of my bpd mom.

I find going to CoDA a 12 step program for CoDependents to be a very helpful adjunct to practicing my faith while healing from the abuse caused by my FOO.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

Hi TelHill,

Thank you for the reply! I checked out the CoDa program and looks like it could be helpful, I found the co-dependecy patterns and align with some of the denial and compliance patterns for sure. There are a few sessions near me that I'm going to check out soon.

Could you expand on how your choice process works? I find that I assign moral values/virtues to different choices, even the smallest ones at times, and often feel that there is a black and white, good and bad choice because of this. Not sure if this resonates with you at all.

Thank you for the well-wishes, we are nearly there!

[TelHill]

I know what you mean. Honor your father and mother is a complex one to navigate with a BPD parent.

I've noticed many shades of gray coming through when I go to Mass and take the sacraments as often as I can - almost every day for me. 

Continue to read through the tips & tricks here and the Karpman Drama Triangle to see how you can possibly ratchet down the family chaos caused by a BPD parent's disordered behavior.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle