Undiagnosed Mother

[Khal]

So...I decided to join this group because my mother has quite a few symptoms and a few jumped out at me, but the black and white thinking and explosive rage are two very relatable behaviors.

Don't get me wrong, she can be the nicest person you know...especially in public.

But as soon as you do ANYTHING that either doesn't paint her in the best possible spotlight...or inconveniences her...she becomes something else. He mood switches very dramatically sometimes.

At first, due to her selfishness, I thought she was narcissistic...but she's not very conniving, and usually has the emotional capacity of a child. And...I've never seen her do something for someone for her benefit only.

For her...she always needs to be the most important person in the world, she usually plays up injuries and ailments (one time she broke her pinky toe and was hobbling around and stuff...but I had the exact same injury a few years ago...it definitely hurts...but not to the level she was making it appear to be), she always gets upset when you feel ill...I have Major Depressive Disorder and had to move back home...on my bad days she's always trying to find a solution...when the best thing for me is to wait it out. Then...she'll get instantly offended if you aren't showing gratitude for it. She likes to butt into my life, doing things for me...especially health related.

My psychiatrist has told me to move, which I intend to as soon as my recently started meds kick in and I start doing enough work consistently to support myself again. Btw...I got back into contact with her 2 years ago after 12 years of no contact.

So...the reason I was brought here was because today was...not the worst, just heartbreaking because I have been confronted by the fact that my mom is this way.

I'm having a bad day, heavy fatigue...depressive episode, just kinda out if it.

It's obvious I'm not in the best of condition/mood today.

I had to get my meds, I asked my step-father if he could drive me to the store to get my meds...I ran out of my sleeping pills and last night I didn't have the greatest sleep.

It was only supposed to be me and him...but of course...she needed to come to get some groceries...btw they both go to the store AT LEAST twice a week...so it's not like she needed to go.

What that means is...she needs to make herself up, which is at least half an hour...she's very vain that way.

So I start waiting on the couch...dozing away. It's taking awhile...so I go back upstairs to lay down until we're ready to go.

She thinks my fatigue is due to heart troubles because she's convinced the covid Shor did something to me...so she has my step-father call up (my room is in the attic) and ask if I'm laying down...or sitting up. I kinda half-lie since I'm propping myself up on my bed...and that's the other thing as well...just to survive I have to lie...I don't like that. But it's either tell the truth and have either her or my step-father communicate yet once again that I'm not doing things right and be pushy about _____...or lie so that I can avoid the stress that makes my condition worse.

So...she's done...she calls up to me that they're ready to go. Btw...she has a hip problem where a joint that's right where the tailbone meets the hip bone can get out of wack...but she's still able to walk short distances. As we exit the front door to our enclosed porch to wait for my step-father to pull up in the car (I live in a small house in the middle of the city, so a small front yard). While we are waiting I'm leaning against the front door with my eyes closed...just resting to keep my strength up. She sees me in this condition...yet asked expectantly if I had my keys before we exited the door. No, "I'll get this for you"...or something like that. It's like empathy is outside of her awareness.

Then as soon as my step-father pulls up...she exits the porch...gets the mail that was delivered just then...as I'm hobbling out the door...and shoves it in my space and tells me to put it on the porch.

We go to the store...it's not too long thankfully.

We get back home...and we both get out of the car and she stands there on the sidewalk expecting me to walk ahead of her and get the door open for her...I'm out of it barely hanging on...and I ask her if she could open the door this time.

She gets annoyed...and whenever she gets annoyed...she's very petty, so she opens the door...demands that I hold it open and shoves the mail and a waterborne in my space and tells me to hold onto it. Then proceeds to unlock the inner door and walk in...leaving me standing there...with my hands full to lock the door (which is the type that you have to pull up on the handle to lock it). Not one bit of empathy for my situation...because I inconvenienced her.

That s#!t stings..and this made me feel better.

[TelHill]

Hello Khal and welcome to the Forum. 

So sorry you find yourself here.

It helps to vent about the immature and abusive behavior.  I know it helps me since my pwBPD is my elderly mother. I found myself suffering from depression and agoraphobia living with her as an adult. It was nonstop abuse exactly like when I was a child. It's a horrible reward for trying to help my physically ill  parents. I wasn't even thanked by them.

It's good you have plans in place to move away.  You deserve a good life.  Living apart from my dBPD mom is a good baseline for my positive mental health.