Adult Daughter with possible borderline personality disorder

[chocolateis#1]

Wherever do I start? How do I get help? How does one go about convincing his/her loved one that he/she might have a personality disorder?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SaltyDawg]

Wherever do I start? How do I get help? How does one go about convincing his/her loved one that he/she might have a personality disorder?

chocolateis#1,



We are here to listen to you and emotionally support you.

I am going to pose a quick question to you - how would you like it if someone you loved, your closest parent, told you that you 'might have a personality disorder'?  Your child might be convinced that they don't, so if you told them this, it would not likely go over well.  Unless there is overwhelming evidence that they are aware that there is something severely wrong with them, they will likely be in denial and angry at you.

Overwhelming evidence would be suicide attempt, cutting/self-harming, frequent explosive rage episodes, or other severe behavior that is not normal in society. 

If they argument a lot, have mood swings, and is not liked, this is often not enough to convince a person with a PD that they have a PD.

Can you share with us why you think your daughter has a PD?  If you give specifics, we can suggest specific recommendations / suggestions on how you might want to proceed including an excellent assessment tool.

We are here for you.

I suspect you are worn out by your dear daughter, be sure to be kind to yourself, and practice self-care whatever that may look like for you.

Please come back, so you can begin this journey with us.

Take care.

SD


P.S. I like your name as I agree "Chocolate Is #1" - Especially Dove Dark - that is my favorite.  Unfortunately I use that as a pleasant, but fattening, coping mechanism when my person with BPD agitates me.

[CC43]

Chocolate,

To reply to your question, the simple answer is you generally can't convince someone they have a personality disorder.  If you are dealing with symptoms of BPD, it is especially challenging.  In my experience with a diagnosed stepdaughter, she remains absolutely convinced that others are the source of her problems.  I believe this is a typical feature of BPD.

The other poster mentioned many behaviors.  My stepdaughter exhibited all of them.  She started with a depressive mood, passive-aggressiveness and social avoidance.  She progressed to explosive rage and blame-shifting.  Then came daily dysfunction (e.g. inability to work, study or keep friends).  Then came suicide threats.  Then threats became actual attempts, each one more serious than the last.  Suicide attempts came with some temporary psychosis, too.

Everyone in her immediate family suspected something was awry since the depression stage.  She refused meds, and she skipped more therapy sessions than she attended.  Even after quitting school and work, she refused to get help.  After the first and second suicide attempts, she got temporary help, but she wasn't really committed to change.  Only after attempt three, she was treated long enough to get a professional diagnosis.  After attempt four, she was given an ultimatum:  get help or go it alone.  The medical community read her the riot act, because they had tried all possible treatments and regimes.  If she continued not cooperating, she'd be involuntarily committed if another episode occurred.  So she had to "hit bottom," twice, to decide to get help.

I'm not sure she really believes her diagnosis of BPD.  One doctor also proposed NPD, but she "didn't like him."  Today, she's resolutely convinced that others are the source of her problems.  I think that is what is holding her back; she still refuses to take responsibility for herself or her poor choices.  She's stuck in the past, replaying her versions of past grievances and "traumas."  Having said that, she's in a slightly better place, mood-wise and in daily functioning.  I think she's functioning at about a 13-year-old level.  I'm hoping that she can "mature" over time and maybe get up to 18.  But it has been a long road, with some baby steps and setbacks.