Hi subwaytune, thanks for the update.
The random anger or rage does not necessarily bother me as much as before thanks to some work on myself, but I find it harder these days.
What have you found effective for being bothered less by her random mood changes?
For context, one issue happened in the bedroom a while back, leading to performance anxiety. I constantly think "what if i cant get it up", "I know it will affect her if I can't please her" etc. Now i'm not here to really get tips on anxiety (tough they are welcome if you suffered this). Sometimes I will have a week where everything is great and I have no pressure and the relation is ideal. But then I get one day where I'm stressed and it won't happen and it retriggers the anxiety. I can't seem to break the cycle.
This obviously leads to arguments and her feeling unwanted, undesired. She understands and want to support me, but at the same time she can't help but feel that way. I can see her shutting down and it just perpetuates my anxiety even more. I love her to death, but I'm at a point where I can have mini panic attack thinking about it.
Have you had enough time to experience some good weeks where you feel no pressure and intimacy goes well, followed by high stress weeks with poor intimacy, followed by good weeks, followed by poor weeks, and so on?
In the part of the cycle where it's a "bad" week, and then there are some good weeks, does she seem to hold on to or bring up her feelings of being unwanted/undesired (from the "bad" week) and carry those over into the "good" weeks? Or does she seem able to let those previous feelings go during the "good" weeks?
What are the arguments about? How do they go?
I try to talk about it, but every time I do it seems to make the problems worse.
Are you trying to talk about your experience, her feelings, the whole situation, or something else?
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It's a sensitive topic -- I understand. Glad we can be here to walk with you through it.
