I am looking to build a tool box for when things break down between my spouse and I
Buddy,
I am curious if you think your spouse has BPD and is undiagnosed, or is your spouse a diagnosed borderline?
A good place to start on this website is the following directory:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329744.0The best thing when any spouse, borderline, or not, is to validate how they are feeling at the moment by using "I" statements, avoid starting any sentence with "you", and not focus on the 'facts' as these are often distorted with different perspectives, or even twisted by the borderline into a highly distorted and even false narrative to match their feelings.
Example: "
I am so sorry that you feel that way towards me, it must really be upsetting and frustrating to feel that way."
I also have a list of books to read, that will offer up many more tools, let me know if you would like those resources too.
In any event, be sure to do self-care, what ever that looks like for you, as you need to fill your cup so you have the energy and perseverance to hang in there.
Take care.
SD
