Are you co-dependent? [Survey and discussion]

[Depression = 72% of members]

Codependency is often talked about and poorly defined or understood. One important thing to consider is whether your behavior is a lifelong pattern or it is situational. And example of situational would be you only had the issues in one relationship or during a specific time (e.g., taking care of an aging parent or at end of life).

Timmen Cermak, M.D., proposed that co-dependency be listed as a personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III-R; American Psychiatric Association, 1987). Cermak reasoned that when specific personality traits become excessive and maladaptive and cause significant impairment in functioning or cause significant distress, it warrants a personality disorder diagnosis.Cermak's definition was published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs in 1986. To this day, this is recognized as the most clinical interpretation of co-dependency.

Cermak proposed a life-long patern of the following criteria for this disorder.

  Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.

  Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own.

  Anxiety and boundary distortions relative to intimacy and separation.

  Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co‐dependent, or impulse‐disordered individuals.
    
  Three or more of the following:

.

___ Excessive reliance on denial ___ Constriction of emotions (with or without dramatic outbursts) ___ Depression ___ Hypervigilance ___ Compulsions ___ Anxiety ___ Substance use disorder ___ Has been (or is) the victim of recurrent physical or sexual abuse ___ Stress-related medical illnesses ___ Has remained in a primary relationship with a person who continues to recreationally use drugs for at least two years without seeking outside help.

Codependency has not been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; DSM-III-R or later versions.

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Codependency is often talked about and poorly defined or understood. One important thing to consider is whether your behavior is a lifelong pattern or it is situational. And example of situational would be you only had the issues in one relationship or during a specific time (e.g., taking care of an aging parent or at end of life).

Timmen Cermak, M.D., proposed that co-dependency be listed as a personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III-R; American Psychiatric Association, 1987). Cermak reasoned that when specific personality traits become excessive and maladaptive and cause significant impairment in functioning or cause significant distress, it warrants a personality disorder diagnosis.Cermak's definition was published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs in 1986. To this day, this is recognized as the most clinical interpretation of co-dependency.

Cermak proposed a life-long patern of the following criteria for this disorder.

  Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.

  Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own.

  Anxiety and boundary distortions relative to intimacy and separation.

  Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co‐dependent, or impulse‐disordered individuals.
    
  Three or more of the following:

.

___ Excessive reliance on denial ___ Constriction of emotions (with or without dramatic outbursts) ___ Depression ___ Hypervigilance ___ Compulsions ___ Anxiety ___ Substance use disorder ___ Has been (or is) the victim of recurrent physical or sexual abuse ___ Stress-related medical illnesses ___ Has remained in a primary relationship with a person who continues to recreationally use drugs for at least two years without seeking outside help.

Codependency has not been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; DSM-III-R or later versions.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thankful person]

I have realised since joining bpd family in early 2021 that I am definitely codependent. I have had this issue in all of my previous relationships, but it became far worse when I got together with my wife in 2014, to the point that I was asking her permission to eat, go to the toilet, read texts, answer my phone, go to sleep, get up, accept a job, wear new clothes etc. For some reason I feel like I was searching for a relationship where my feelings and experience of life were entirely in another person’s hands. I am totally over that feeling now. I have been fighting for my independence since I realised how bad things had become, and that I want to be a good role model for my children, especially as they have a bpd mother who at times is very extreme. Despite not entering therapy, I have made lots of progress, and I am ever thankful for my dear friends on here for their continued support. Ironically my wife has forbidden me to attend therapy as a deal breaker in our marriage. And I know that it is the codependent within me that doesn’t yet have the strength to fight this one.