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[Harris]

My wife has displayed signs of BPP/ NPD throughout our relationship/ marriage (as yet, undiagnosed). We also have a teenage daughter. My wife also suffers from multiple sclerosis (MS).

Upon reflection and reviewing key flashpoints throughout my time with her, there is so many signs I didn't look beyond the MS diagnosis for an understanding. There's been multiple hospital admissions for misadventure with prescription medication (admitted to hospital both conscious and unconscious multiple times). Accusations of all types of behavior (all false) aimed at myself and our daughter from her. Compulsive purchasing on anything/ everything. Blocking bank accounts, stealing, lying and denying it, the list goes on.

She's has a good understanding of the medical system and various supports available to meet her needs. We've worked through multiple psychologists to understand and help, always not proceeding to a review/ assessment of her behavior. She is a model patient and bonds quickly with doctors/ nurses when admitted. Her current psychologist seems the most compliant (or ill-informed) of all.

She's taken off from home and I haven't seen her for a month, which has allowed me to start to unpack problems and seek counselling myself. For two weeks of that month, her whereabouts were unknown and I used support services and police to locate her (safely). She's currently not taking/ returning calls/ messages. When I've briefly spoken to her. she has said she wants family counseling, but I'm reluctant, in the absence of a concrete diagnosis, seems futile to face a counselling session. I'm working through the walking on eggshells book to see a way forward as I probably need to reassess my approach as asking for accountability won't be well received. I've asked that she submit for a mental health assessment (with me present) before she returns home.

It's a pretty awful situation, but having sat down over the last few weeks and reading through this site, it's really good to understand that it could be something we can address as a family and help her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harris]

Should read BPD not BPP, sorry

[kells76]

Hi Harris and welcome to the group 

You're not alone here in coping with a spouse with multiple issues including BPD type behavior. It's so challenging and stressful, especially with kids involved.

How old is your teen daughter? What kind of support does she have right now -- is she seeing a counselor?

When your  W had "prescription medicine misadventures" leading to unconsciousness -- which sound to me like OD's -- did those lead to any kind of psychiatric ward stay, or psych involvement?

Where is she currently, as far as you know (hospital, shelter, friends...)?

It's interesting that she says she wants family counseling. What do you think she would say the problem is?

Glad you are able to use this time apart as an opportunity to focus on yourself and what you need. Counseling/therapy is a great idea 

Lots of questions, so I'll pause there to hear back from you.

Glad you reached out; we'll be here for you;

kells76

[Pook075]

I've asked that she submit for a mental health assessment (with me present) before she returns home.

Hello and welcome.  Kells asked some great questions and I hope you have some time to answer them.

I did want to touch on that one point above though and point out that it's not a realistic expectation.  For your wife to open up at all with a professional, there has to be a level of trust there and that's impossible with you looking over her shoulder.  While I'm sure your intentions are good thinking you can correct any inaccuracies and make sure the professional hears the full truth, it's highly counter-productive and just not how mental health works.

[Harris]

Thanks for your replies and support!

Our daughter is 15, very headstrong and doesn't want/ enjoy her mum at the moment, I'm staying out of this and encouraging her to speak/ message her mum. I have asked our daughter how she would like counselling/ support and she has asked that I am there with her, so have arranged.

In relation to the overdose(s) she had psych evaluation with the first one, they categorized it as a suicide attempt. She has never shown signs of suicidal thoughts/ feelings, but there may have been something she said to the Dr after regaining consciousness. The diagnosis lead to an extra week in an isolated ward, we were both confused as to the process. The second OD admission was only of 2 nights, seemed entirely odd that a multiple repeat OD'er (2nd in a year and 4th overall) would go through an easier admission, but medical system obviously close to breaking post-covid.

She is staying at her mother's house. Her mother is great support to us all, but can feel my wife has planted many seeds in her head and must be very confusing for my Mother in law as an 84yo. My wife would emphatically state that I am the problem, she's told many friends and our daughter that her and I are currently in an argument (I haven't spoken to her for a month and all calls/  messages go unanswered). It's a family trait to blame and make excuses, so I fully anticipate the position I'm in. I'm not suggesting I'm perfect for one second!

Agree Pook on your take, there was a suggestion from a family member of an insistence that I was there for the assessment. It's going to take a medical practitioner with a very sharp mind to sum up the situation. I have been sure to go through the same medical helpline throughout the current saga, to ensure that appropriate records around my calls, police visits, etc were tracked.