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[Luke the Drifter]

My wife exhibits a few of the BPD characteristics—predominantly, she fears abandonment.   She has health issues so she is home bound a lot.  I have to work.  When I go to work, she often will accuse me of abandoning her when she is ill or injured.  She often will ask me to leave—but a few hours later, all of the talk of separation vanishes.
She blames me for the emptiness of her life.  It is leaving me feeling very depressed.

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[once removed]

hey Luke!

im glad you posted. things can get better from here.

speaking of, what does your support system look like outside of here and home? relationships with someone with bpd traits can be especially challenging, and even more so when we feel ground down.

tell us a bit more about how the situation plays out between the two of you. she accuses you of abandoning her when youve gotta go to work; what does she say? how do you respond to it?

do i have it right that shes threatened to separate over it?

[Luke the Drifter]

Thanks for responding.
Yes, she often threatens to separate.  Her most difficult time is in the afternoons—that is when typically her pain begins to increase.  She accuses me of valuing work over our marriage.  She thinks I should quit.  When I explain we could not financially take the hit of me being unemployed, it does not seem to compute with her.
I have tried to find other work where I can work remotely more often, but have been unable to find.
My support system is very limited as between work and being a caregiver for my wife, I have very little time for myself.