@Purplegiraffe,
You're feeling conflicted - which is totally to be expected in circumstances like this. A lot of moving parts. There's an emotional instinct to respond, engage - and then there's a rational impulse to be more reserved, listen to advice, focus on your kid...
You're certainly in the right place - posting on the "conflicted" board.
All that said, how about a thought experiment? You don't need to start a new thread, but consider reading on the "detaching" board if you haven't already. Also consider reviewing the lessons re: detaching. The idea isn't to suggest that you should detach - only you can make that decision. However, reviewing the lessons and other's experiences might offer some insight, and might also provide some focus.
I will say this as a parent of three kids: Sometimes there is no insulating them - from bad teachers, bullies, mean friends, or even disordered family members... the best we can do is use the time we've got to teach them how to deal with all of it as best we can.
So while I wouldn't wish what you're going through on anyone, maybe there's a way to reframe it so that you feel like you're gaining something in this process - strength? focus? resilience? vs. losing time. As the saying goes, pain is weakness escaping from the body...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0 
