I think my wife has BPD and I’m having a hard time knowing what I should do

[Dlusko7]

My wife seems to have all the signs of BPD and I really love her. We have blended a family, but she insists at every turn if I am not able to meet every single demand she is going to “file papers” the moment I accept she switches tactics to blame me and guilt me that it’s all my fault. It’s an endless cycle and I don’t really know how to do more than get to the next day when she changes her mind. I don’t want to put the kids through another change, but I also don’t know how much more I can take of this. I also fear what she might do if I actually go ahead with making the divorce real. She will not accept that she has BPD due to her custody situation and I really need support. My counselor has provided good suggestions on handling it and I’m reading all I can to help navigate better. Help!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi Dlusko7 and

Wow, lots of moving parts in your life right now. I can understand you have plenty of reasons to want to make things work, even though it's difficult.

Just a few questions so we can have a better grasp of your situation:

How long have the two of you been together?
Who has what kids -- all yours, all hers, both? And how old are they?
Sounds like both of you were married before -- how long were those marriages? What ended them?

Good to hear you have a counselor who is aware of BPD. Is your W diagnosed but not accepting the diagnosis, or undiagnosed?

My H's kids' mom has many BPD traits but no diagnosis as far as I know -- hasn't necessarily made it easier. The good thing is that this group can really help with sharing new (and often unintuitive) tools and skills for more constructive communication and relating with pwBPD.

Fill us in a bit -- we'll be here for you;

kells76