Should I detach?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey Cluster,

Thank you for being so thorough in your response! I admire your patience with her. I am not as patient of a person, and admittedly couldn't do what y'all do!

Though I see many differences between my experience and yours, I do obviously hope my ex returns, as yours does. I'm trying to spend this period of time apart doing the work on myself, hoping to stabilize my own person. I do wonder if he'll reach out, but I doubt it, as I asked him not to. Only time will tell.

[hashbrown111822]

Hey Cluster,

Thank you for being so thorough in your response! I admire your patience with her. I am not as patient of a person, and admittedly couldn't do what y'all do!

Though I see many differences between my experience and yours, I do obviously hope my ex returns, as yours does. I'm trying to spend this period of time apart doing the work on myself, hoping to stabilize my own person. I do wonder if he'll reach out, but I doubt it, as I asked him not to. Only time will tell.

[Cluster Beeline]

Hi Hashbrown. Exactly. The key difference between us is that while my BDP only played a secondary role in my life, you are looking for a primary partner and so showing that much patience would be self-defeating. No matter how things end, you will emerge stronger and more self-aware. These relationships are opportunities to grow emotionally, if nothing else.

If there is one truism about BPD's is that if you set a rule--they will break it. This often applies to non-BPD's as well; I'm certainly guilty of it. So it is highly likely that he will recontact you at some point, despite you setting a rule not to. Whether it will be a positive or negative situation remains to be seen.

[hashbrown111822]

I agree. I am definitely coming to terms with the idea that he is unlikely to be a sustainable long term partner. It's a bitter defeat... overwhelmingly, our relationship gave me a love unlike any I'd ever known. It was a gift.

I still haven't heard from him. Shockingly, even though he's tried to push many of my boundaries, he always seems to respect me directly asking for no contact. We'll see.