A bit of good news

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I don't think I ever posted a topic on here where I wasn't in pain about something, complaining about something, etc. But just for today I'm going to break that pattern.

In short, it appears that I might have successfully engaged both my BPD ex and my BPD stepson into therapy.

My life basically melted down after my adult stepson became severely addicted to meth and homeless. For three years he refused any and all drug treatment. During almost all that time, I've attended a CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) group, that teaches more productive ways of dealing with a loved one in addiction, and I continued to patiently engage with him. We went from having a very strained relationship (in which he was constantly issuing threats), to probably being the closest we've ever been, despite his meth addiction. Three weeks ago, after a lot of gentle encouragement from me, he did intake for a very good quality outpatient drug treatment program, of his own volition. And with continued encouragement and reminders, after a shaky start, he's now regularly attending the treatment sessions.

After my stepson - my BPD ex's son - became addicted and homeless, my ex began to melt down given the stress, then monkeybranched to an NPD guy who was pursuing and manipulating her. Her mental health then deteriorated badly. I waited around for a couple years, hoping she would come to her senses and return to me, then I ultimately walked away, but remained in some (relatively minimal) contact with her. Separate from my own sense of loss, it's been painful to watch her deteriorating psychological state and functionality, since I care about her wellbeing (we were together for 25 years). I've been looking for a good certified schema therapist for her, since this form of therapy appears the most effective for BPD (and I think may be especially suitable for my ex). I engaged her around this, and got her very interested in doing schema therapy. But it's been almost impossible to find a certified schema therapist for her, given their relative rarity in the U.S. and given state licensing restrictions. But I found a loophole in the licensing restrictions for the state we live in, and with that I was able to find a an excellent potential therapist for her, who was taking new patients and was willing to use the statutory loophole. And I engaged my ex into reaching out to the therapist, and she now has an intake appointment that she's eagerly looking forward to! She joked that, given my success in arranging for therapy for both her son and herself, I must be the therapy fairy, LOL.

I know well how unpredictable people with BPD can be, and recognize that everything could head south tomorrow. But I'm going to let myself savor the moment. Given all that's happened, I have no interest in getting back together with my ex, but I really do want to see her, and my stepson, do well in life. So at least for this moment, I'm allowing myself a little bit of happiness and optimism.

[Pensive1]

I don't think I ever posted a topic on here where I wasn't in pain about something, complaining about something, etc. But just for today I'm going to break that pattern.

In short, it appears that I might have successfully engaged both my BPD ex and my BPD stepson into therapy.

My life basically melted down after my adult stepson became severely addicted to meth and homeless. For three years he refused any and all drug treatment. During almost all that time, I've attended a CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) group, that teaches more productive ways of dealing with a loved one in addiction, and I continued to patiently engage with him. We went from having a very strained relationship (in which he was constantly issuing threats), to probably being the closest we've ever been, despite his meth addiction. Three weeks ago, after a lot of gentle encouragement from me, he did intake for a very good quality outpatient drug treatment program, of his own volition. And with continued encouragement and reminders, after a shaky start, he's now regularly attending the treatment sessions.

After my stepson - my BPD ex's son - became addicted and homeless, my ex began to melt down given the stress, then monkeybranched to an NPD guy who was pursuing and manipulating her. Her mental health then deteriorated badly. I waited around for a couple years, hoping she would come to her senses and return to me, then I ultimately walked away, but remained in some (relatively minimal) contact with her. Separate from my own sense of loss, it's been painful to watch her deteriorating psychological state and functionality, since I care about her wellbeing (we were together for 25 years). I've been looking for a good certified schema therapist for her, since this form of therapy appears the most effective for BPD (and I think may be especially suitable for my ex). I engaged her around this, and got her very interested in doing schema therapy. But it's been almost impossible to find a certified schema therapist for her, given their relative rarity in the U.S. and given state licensing restrictions. But I found a loophole in the licensing restrictions for the state we live in, and with that I was able to find a an excellent potential therapist for her, who was taking new patients and was willing to use the statutory loophole. And I engaged my ex into reaching out to the therapist, and she now has an intake appointment that she's eagerly looking forward to! She joked that, given my success in arranging for therapy for both her son and herself, I must be the therapy fairy, LOL.

I know well how unpredictable people with BPD can be, and recognize that everything could head south tomorrow. But I'm going to let myself savor the moment. Given all that's happened, I have no interest in getting back together with my ex, but I really do want to see her, and my stepson, do well in life. So at least for this moment, I'm allowing myself a little bit of happiness and optimism.

[tina7868]

Hi Pensive1! I want to join you in celebrating such a positive occurence. You seem to have a balanced view of things, and I think that your perseverance and kindness with regards to seeking treatment for your ex shows what a good person you are at heart. You`re right in saying that the future is unpredictable, especially with BPD involved.

I don't think I ever posted a topic on here where I wasn't in pain about something, complaining about something, etc. But just for today I'm going to break that pattern

I can speak to this as I had this pattern on here myself! I had to have it pointed out to me in order to recognize it, and so I applaud your self awareness. Breaking this pattern was a turning point for me. In this space you can truly share everything and anything that is on your mind. We are here to support you.

[Pensive1]

Thank you for your kind comments, Tina!