Is there anything like Al-Anon/Alateen except focused on BPD?

[MimeticoPatetico]

My wife was recently diagnosed with BPD.  At this time, my life is almost solely focused on BPD, and beginning my journey to a different way of being.  I am feeling frustrated and alone. 

I am seeking a therapist for myself, reading books like 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me', studying non-religious buddhism, and researching online (shout out to BPDFamily.com!  Best resources I have found so far!).

Besides individual therapy and educating myself, I want to consider group therapy.  I think this means 'live' meetings, online or in-person, with others who live, or have lived with, problems of BPD.  The analog to what I am seeking would be Al-Anon/Alateen.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Anon/Alateen

Are there any organizations similar to Al-Anon/Alateen, except focused on BPD? 

Thank you for your support, and I wish you well.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[captain5024]

https://adultchildren.org/

Not specific to BPD, but I've found these to be helpful in acceptance and improving my behavior and responses.

Recovery meetings can vary significantly, if you are interested in may be best to "fit test" several.

[MimeticoPatetico]

I will explore this, thank you for the fast reply!  Do you have experience with adultchildren.org?

Thank you!

[MimeticoPatetico]

@captain5024 - I'm sorry, I should have said, "Would you be willing to share your experiences with adultchildren.org." 

Looking for advice from others so I can optimize my journey.  I understand if it's too personal or simply too much to list here.

Thank you!

[captain5024]

@captain5024 - I'm sorry, I should have said, "Would you be willing to share your experiences with adultchildren.org." 

Looking for advice from others so I can optimize my journey.  I understand if it's too personal or simply too much to list here.

Thank you!

Yes.

I found people willing to listen and people going through the same thing I was.  Other people at the meeting may have a family member that is an alcoholic, perhaps NPD, BPD, other other emotional/mental issue.  Listening to their stories and struggles, and how they resembled mine was very therapeutic.

The 12 step program was a great start to begin to change my behavior and my responses (I'm still a work in progress).

And the ACoA serenity prayer is very useful in the step of "radical acceptance" that I think we need to understand, heal and reframe our own distorted beliefs and expectations. 

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the Courage to change the one I can and the Wisdom to know that one is me. 

The above words are so simple and full of generations of wisdom, yet they are so difficult to put into practice.

[Notwendy]

The dynamics in a family with a parent/spouse who is addicted to alcohol are very similar to families/spouses with BPD. 12 step programs can be helpful for this situation- even if alcohol is not involved- although sometimes both alcohol use and BPD are present in the family.

[MimeticoPatetico]

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the Courage to change the one I can and the Wisdom to know that one is me. 

The above words are so simple and full of generations of wisdom, yet they are so difficult to put into practice.

Thank you for this.  I too am practicing radical acceptance. My wife displays all nine symptoms of BPD, including years long infidelity on a scale that boggles my mind.  The ACoA prayer is similar to what I found in Dhammapada Verse 242 & 243.  That there are more important things to worry about than infidelity.  Ignorance is the true stain.  Seeking wisdom will make me a better man, and enable me to prepare our two young children for a life with a BPD mom.

I am unfamiliar with 12 step program, and I will look into that, and explore the groups available on ACoA.  I get that the similarities of other's suffering may be therapeutic.  This is very useful.

Thank you!

[MimeticoPatetico]

I think I should also clarify my reference to Dhammapada Verse 242 & 243.  If you do a simple google search for that, the results seem very prejudiced towards women.  This is not my intent at all, in sharing this.

For that reason, I would like to highlight, that the stories in the Dhammapada were told around 1900 years ago, addressing an audience of almost all heterosexual males.  Thus the story in verse 242 is about a man with an unfaithful wife.

Given this understanding, the true context is that the teaching and takeaways apply to all humans, all genders, both sexes assigned at birth. 

I hope a casual google search didn't cause anyone suffering, seeing the out of context results.  I can provide a link to a more thorough explanation, if anyone is interested, just let me know.

Thank you for your patience, hope I haven't offended anyone. 

[Notwendy]

Many philosophical writings are reflected of the times in which they are written and of the culture of the writers. What makes them universal and timeless is that they can still apply to situations long after the times they are written in.

The origin of the 12 step programs is the AA Blue Book, written in 1939. The authors were Christian. Yet, the program itself has been adaptable to different religions, and those who don't have a religious belief system. It also addresses the alcoholic as men and the partners as their wives.

In the groups I have attended- I have met people of different religions, no religions, and same sex couples. People from all walks of life. One takes the "lesson" from the material.

These are lay groups- and open to anyone. There will be members there who you feel you connect with and those who you don't- just like this board. But if you can connect with a sponsor who helps you- it can make a difference.

The benefit of these programs is to help us with our behavior with regards to the disordered person. It's not about them, so whether or not they have BPD, or substance addiction, or other disorder - the dynamics- how we respond could be similar and this is why they are helpful.

[Joyful Noise]

Responding to comments regarding similarity of alcoholic family dynamics and the help of ACA-type programs;
It's largely about your learning to detach from your own co-dependent/over-focus on the ill person and redirecting your energy and efforts to your own life.  -So, detachment.  -The mention by the author of an interest in Buddhism is also helpful.