So glad to find this community; seeking affirmation

[43yearsofthis]

My husband and I are "high conflict" (thanks to someone here who recommended Alan Fruzzetti's book of that title) and have been for 43 years. Over the years, I have continued to believe that by and large we are better together.

As I enter retirement I worry that now that we have fewer things to distract us, we are settling further into our patterns. Having recently listened to Mason and Kreger's "Stop Walking on Eggshells" I am THRILLED to find this tribe. So many pieces falling into place.

I am in therapy and getting better at my own boundaries and self-awareness. I would love to hear from anyone who has found any balance and peace of mind with a BPD partner.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello 43yearsofthis and welcome 

It does feel incredible to find this "tribe". BPD relationship challenges can be unintuitive and also largely invisible to those with more emotional distance. Finding others who can say "I get it... I understand" is so meaningful.

I'm interested to hear that you're aware you two have been high conflict for your entire marriage. How does that conflict usually show up (yelling, circular arguments, physicality, blame... other)? Are there typical "themes" to the conflicts (suspicion of infidelity, blame for being controlling, "you never support me"...)?

Do you have any children together? Do you think they're aware of the issues?

Lots we could talk about but I'll pause there for now to hear more from you. Really glad you found us;

kells76