New Here/Looking for advice

[DogLoverMom]

Hey there,

My husband is just starting to go to therapy to get diagnosed. We've been together for 20 years, since highschool. We've been married for 13 years. I have started reading Walking on Eggshells, which is how I've felt since our first son was born 11 years ago.
We've had our ups and downs and he has seen a few mental health professionals with an initial "diagnosis" of bi-polar disorder that didn't stick with him long and we were always skeptical of.
He hates therapy and doctors so the fact that he has agreed to see anyone is a good sign. I just hope he sticks with it.
He has chronic pain and struggles with insomnia.
He displays symptoms like inappropriate rage, splitting and hyper criticism very frequently. He is a stay at home dad (initially because he couldn't handle workplace stress and was searching for a new career, then due to the kids being home schooled during COVID, then because we were moving out of state, and now because he doesn't know what he wants to do). He did work for 10+ years in the maintenance/HVAC field but interactions with coworkers/Management made him miserable.
I am so glad he is getting help, but I am worried about how slow the process will be. I know it takes time, but I am also leaving our kids with someone who is unpredictable and yells and criticizes them constantly.
I have always had a hard time setting boundaries, even with people who don't have BPD symptoms...
Just looking for some advice to help bridge the gap.
I am only on Chapter 2 of Walking on Eggshells, but trying to listen to the authors and take it slow.
Also, I have no support because my family will just tell me to leave him and he will stop talking to his family if I talk to them.

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello DogLoverMom and welcome    glad you found the group.

It's been a couple of weeks since your H was due to start therapy and maybe get a diagnosis. Any movement there?

Are you going to be involved with the therapy process at all -- any communication with the providers?

It's good that you have this awareness:

I have always had a hard time setting boundaries, even with people who don't have BPD symptoms...

What's the hardest part for you about setting true boundaries for yourself? Feeling guilty? Making ultimatums/demands instead of real boundaries? Exhaustion? Inconsistency? Something else?