19-year-old daughter with BPD and possible AUD

[k66]

Hello,
I am brand new to this site.  I have read through some posts and saw the thoughtful feedback that was provided.  Just a quick summary - I am married with 2 children - son, age 21 and daughter - age 19.
Our daughter has been diagnosed with BPD (we think - but can't get confirmation from psych. b/c daughter won't give permission).  She also has anxiety and depression.  However, her list of "symptoms" and troubling behavior seems to fit BPD diagnosis and she has stated that she has BPD.  Looking back, her troublesome behavior (angry outbursts, defiance, isolating from family) began around 3 years ago.  At the time we chalked it up to normal adolescence coupled with her "strong" personality and several concussions (soccer related).  In 2022, she was headed to college on a soccer scholarship but lasted 2 weeks.  She tried college again last fall but sustained another concussion and then the MH really kicked in. 

During the past year she has had multiple encounters with the police resulting in 4 overnight crisis stays in the hospital - all of them precipitated by alcohol.  The most recent incident involved me calling the police due to her threatening behavior.  She now has felony charges pending for "assaulting" police officers (biting and kicking while they were trying to subdue her) and is facing prison. We have hired an attorney to hopefully keep her out of prison; however, she really needs to enter treatment or at least begin therapy if for nothing else, to show the court that she is "sorry" for her behavior.  She is refusing to enter into treatment, denying a problem with alcohol and is stating she wants to go to prison to get away from us.  She stays with a friend most nights (who also has MH issues and alcohol use disorder) and comes home on occasion to change her clothes and visit with the animals.  We are at our wits end and don't know how else to help her.  She "hates" me right now and just verbally assaults me during every phone call or text exchange.  I can handle the verbal abuse, but I am so worried that she will end up in jail or dead in a car accident. 

Thanks for reading my long post.  I guess it would be nice to get some feedback from other parents and how they have dealt with a young adult with BPD. 
Thanks!
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi k66 and welcome,

My udd has been involved in several incidents which called for the police. These incidents mainly involved fighting with exb/f's new partners,  trying to commit bank fraud on a neighbour, shoplifting and she herself has also accused many ex partners of sexual abuse....and these are just the ones that I know of!
I didnt know of any of these incidents while they were happening as my udd is very secretive and these details only were shared after the events by others. Nothing ever went to court as in each case the charges were dropped. Even the attempted fraud against the neighbour was dropped because she was still a minor.....so she has gotten away with things that I have never done in my whole lifetime.....and had no real consequences from her actions and she has still continued to accuse expartners of sexual abuse.
 i know that this is a scary place for you to be in right now, but hopefully  this will be a wake up call for your dd and her mental health issues will be recognised  and be a  mitigating factor and the judge  wont come down too hard on her. Hopefully the outcome of this case will be probation and your udd will be put into programmes to get the help she needs for her drinking and her mental health issues. Mental Health help has always been the biggest wish for my udd if she were ever too get into trouble again because so far she has not suffered any consequences because she has either dropped the charges or just talked her way out it.

[k66]

Thank you Js friend.  I wish you luck with your daughter as well.