Hello Lmg and
One tragedy after another would be too much for anyone to cope with. I feel for you with the profound losses that you've experienced in your family
If you're up for it, tell me a little more about your family structure right now. It's you, your sister with BPD traits, and a parent? Anyone else in the family?
Can I ask how old you and your sister are (if you're comfortable answering), and what your sister's relationship with your parent is like?
The dynamic where one sibling is tacitly "expected" to "manage" a sibling wBPD is a common phenomenon around here. Do you feel like that expectation was there on you? If so, where do you think it came from?
As you settle in here and get comfortable, I want to encourage you to take a look at our
"Family member with BPD" lessons/resources. One part in Lesson 1 that struck me as relevant was this paragraph:
We need to have a minimum of safety and strength in order to cope with the present, deal with the past, and set a better future in motion. Taking care of ourselves is a radical notion for many with a BPD family member, as we have often been taking care of our relative for much of our lives. Taking care means valuing our own well being and backing up that value with actions, like building our support system, taking time to exercise, and learning new tools to deal with unwanted feelings and thoughts. It means regaining control over our lives. Our sense of fear, our feelings of obligation, our massive guilt keeps us trapped and vulnerable to being manipulated and abused by the very people who claim to love us, as well as others. When we stand up for ourselves through and take care of ourselves to build our strength, we regain our self-respect and put our lives on a healthier path.
What do you think?
