Abusive language

[melroseesq88]

The abusive language this man used against me was some of the most vile language I’ve ever heard in my life. The language he used against my family including even insulting family members of mine who have passed away that he never met. Even some of my worst enemies never used such vile language and I would never ever use such language against another human.

Now I have a female cousin who I suspect is borderline and she has used some terrible insults in the past, but this man i dated for a year who completely destroyed my self esteem when he was devaluing me was even a million times more aggressive than her.

Anybody else here just shocked and disgusted by insults you have received from your pwbpd? Also is there a correlation between BPD and intermittent explosive disorder? Some of these insults are were so evil they reminded me of insults from possessed individuals in horror films like the Exorcist. It is hard to believe a human can have so much hate.

[melroseesq88]

i would also post some examples of the insults, but they are so evil, i don’t want to repeat or remember them.

[try2heal]

YES!
I've told him in the breakup (after he apologized for "hurting your feelings") that I can't even formulate in my mind, much less make my mouth say, the level of nastiness he hurled at me.

[melroseesq88]

It’s just shocking. I’ve had some nasty arguments in my life and I have never ever permitted myself to say 1 percent of the stuff he says. It’s hard to believe somebody can get that angry, oftentimes over trivial stuff.

[jaded7]

Yes, and often abusive language isn't just name calling and put downs, belittling, mocking, invalidating and deflecting. Patricia Evans in her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship breaks it down into multiple categories and types, some are surprising. That book really helped me at least
intellectually know that I wasn't crazy.

Name calling is clear, mocking and putdowns are clear. Mimicking your voice sarcastically is clear. Yelling is clear.

If you are just beginning to dig your way out, please do consider getting the book. It's really eye-opening, as is a million selling classic at this point.

[ParentingThruIt]

Yes and I am still trying to deprogram my  brain.

He called me a "b" many many times in front of our children. He made me feel incompetent as a parent and an adult to make decisions. Intellectually I understand he was threatened/overwhelmed by my perspective and couldn't handle it, but his projection and gaslighting were so intense, insistent and long term that it's hard to undo.

He raged almost any time I tried to have a serious conversation with him. I began to expect 1-2 hours of screaming and name-calling before the possibility of a civil discussion. Also he would say all kinds of wild things about me, family, other random people and sometimes the next day say Oh I didn't believe that but it's how I felt in the moment and I need to be true to myself.

Reading about BPD projection and raging helps me understand but it's still hard to stop the internal monologue in my head.

Living without hearing it every day helps.  Walking Eggshells workbook helps too, as does a support group for abuse survivors. But I still often get that apprehensive feeling when I think or do or say something that I know would set him off.

:-(