I am really in pain

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Sometimes i feel really tired of my sister lashing out at my, misunderstanding most of the thing i say. She reaches out to me for help but somehow when i offer advice i am judging. She can love me at times, and hate me at others. She really like dislikes if she feels im ahead of her i hate this idea that my achievements or successes are problematic for her. She always seems to be competing with me about everything and it’s just so exhausting. I feel like I’m really afraid of other females due to the fact that I believe that they will respond in the same way that my sister responds I am always afraid that females would judge me or lie because that’s what I’ve seen from the closest female that I’ve had in my life have gone to Therapy and it’s really hard for me to establish new friendships and be open because I do not feel safe being myself however it’s exhausting that I always wanna establish openness with my sister or I want to fix things with her because she always make me feel guilty for not forgiving her despite the fact that she does not apologize ever I don’t know what to do

[Vc]

Sometimes i feel really tired of my sister lashing out at my, misunderstanding most of the thing i say. She reaches out to me for help but somehow when i offer advice i am judging. She can love me at times, and hate me at others. She really like dislikes if she feels im ahead of her i hate this idea that my achievements or successes are problematic for her. She always seems to be competing with me about everything and it’s just so exhausting. I feel like I’m really afraid of other females due to the fact that I believe that they will respond in the same way that my sister responds I am always afraid that females would judge me or lie because that’s what I’ve seen from the closest female that I’ve had in my life have gone to Therapy and it’s really hard for me to establish new friendships and be open because I do not feel safe being myself however it’s exhausting that I always wanna establish openness with my sister or I want to fix things with her because she always make me feel guilty for not forgiving her despite the fact that she does not apologize ever I don’t know what to do

[Notwendy]

Hi Vc- you aren't alone here. It's difficult to live with a disordered family member. I think the best solution is to have a different living situation where you have less ( or none if you choose) contact with them. If it's not possible at the moment- it could be a goal to strive for- working, saving, etc.

Moving away on your own is one step- but it takes some personal work to manage the emotional aspect of growing up with a disordered family member. Counseling can be helpful and you can start that.

I understand the fear of friendships with other women. I have a mother with BPD. I tend to keep people at a distance in general. If I get closer to someone, it's over time. It's easier for me to have connections over specific situations- like working on a project with people at work, or a volunteer situation. If you are not involved in something like that- it's a good way to meet people and find connections- even casual ones. It's possible in time that someone may become a friend.