This may be a weird post. I made a previous post about BPD ex getting married.
He didn't, it turned out. But he probably will because he wants to, now.
He has reached out a few times. 2 cards and a letter before his intended marriage day and an unexpected visit to my house after I found it that it didn't go through.
My car was obvious in the driveway but I didn't answer. I've been total NC since May. It was necessary in order for me to cut ties and move on. The recovery and feeling forced to discard after a 3 year relationship have been very painful. I'm in therapy.
Sorry to ramble. What's unexpected is that I may lose my connection with family and a couple friends in an unexpected way from being in the relationship with my ex.
My family gossips, judges and talks behind others' backs. They can be very clique-y, especially if they disapprove, even of family members.
I don't share alot of the same interests as them and have always have some different ways.
I've always felt slightly like an outsider. I love them, it's a close family, but I don't always get them and vice versa.
If you confide in 1 of them, especially my mother, you've just told siblings, cousins, aunts uncles, and maybe even a kid or two who eavesdrops on family conversations,
.
I'm not like that. So, I keep a lot of my personal, intimate business to myself. It's sad to me. But that's how it is.
Ex still has connections to my family, through friendships made during our time together. He tells everything. He always has. He's been a source of me ( & our relationship) being a source of gossip, which I hate.
They think I'm stupid for ever getting involved with him and for the pain I've gone through with him.
I feel like they look down on me. My mother ( my dad passed away) , sister and SIL are all involved in bad relationships but the women in my family have a 'stand by your man no matter what' mentality.
They shade me as if I can't keep a man and sometimes side- eye the choices and lengths I've gone to in order to separate from ex. They think I'm strange or dramatic or something.
I have a couple friends who judge me , too, for not being healed after a year and still having complicated feelings of guilt, anger, and some heartbreak days after it all.
The upshot is that I feel like cuttiing some connections back and maybe cutting some ties off, after all this. Even my family..
I realize that my attraction to my BPD ex partly came from struggling within my family dynamic of favoritism, assigning roles, and the .value they place on group- think and conforming... From always having been thought of and treated slightly as 'weird' among them. I'm not. I'm just not about everything they're about.
In many ways, my BPD ex was more supportive and more accepting of me than they ever were.
But then I think that cutting people back will make me feel more alone.
I'm on a journey of self - discovery that I haven't had the courage to take all these decades. My experience with ex triggered it.
It's confusing me to consider reducing or breaking connections that I always thought I should have.
I sometimes wonder if I would be taking needed, healthy steps ( at least for now) or if I'm deluded and it would just be self- isolating.
I never expected that self- reflecting and de-toxifying from my BPD relationship might lead to loss in other, unexpected ways.
