This is an awesome book!

I'm sixteen months into recovery and it was exactly what I needed.

I recommend this highly!

I read the book in one night. 

It really helps you to look at yourself and figure out how you may have contributed to the actions of the borderline.

Great read!

pizaluvr

This book has been road map for me (to Kansas). 

   I have been in the relationship with BPD for 6 years and married for just under 3.   This book is great and I have read it a few times now.   I have my own notebook (diary) full of written information of what my STXBPDW has done and how she has reacted to all kind of things.  She has thrown out so many things from the house in order to hurt me.  I found out she has sorted my mail for two years, I now have PO BOX since last year.   

    I have been accused of having a girlfriend / a second job / and her distortion campain included writing my parents / sister / doctor and telling them how bad I am.  I can only imagine what she has told all of the neighbors that I have know for 15 years.  But I am not thinking about that I am just watching the road for signs to Atkinson, Kansas.  Right now I figure I am somewhere in IOWA. 

   The Physcologist said she is definitely BPD and also believes she might be dangerous. (and could file false acusations against me).  I have been staying out of my own house (owned long before marriage) till all is settle.   I have found that a support group of friends and family are the most important thing.

  I am half way through the divorce ( at least I hope half way) and this book has everything except the actual topigraphical road map back to kansas.   

I have read walking on eggshells when I was with bpH. 

I am now 3 months out & I would like to know if this book leans on dealing/living with bp or have already left bp?

I just don't want to buy this book if I am going to go through the "what if's".

I don't mind reading a bit about traits etc., but I need info on how to start a life for myself (as I don't know how). 

I do miss him but I would only CONSIDER a relationship with him if we lived seperately, he got some serious T that HE WANTS, and LOTS OF TIME IE. 1-2 YEARS to see if he was showing signs to me that he was capable of an emotional relationship.

I am feeling almost like a child, I can't make decisions, I don't trust my feeling or instincts... .I am so hurt and wounded.

Any advice on my question about this book would be most appreciated!

Thanks,

Journey

This is the best book out there about BPD.  It helped me so much.  The advice is common sense and easy to understand, and the story of Ozzie Tinman is so touching.  I had tears in my eyes the whole time.  He really captures in writing the feelings that are going through all of us.  I would recommend that everyone read this book.  It reads in a very positive and self-empowering manner for the reader, which all of use can benefit from .  We have all been beaten down so badly by our partners.  This book shares ways to rebuild your self-esteme, have a postative outlook for your future and shows you that you are not as powerless as you think.  Get this book!

Jan

The piece of the puzzle that is so hard for many is the personal responsibility Q. - my BPDmom was so adept at pretending to be "normal" in the presence of others. Behind closed doors, she was sadistic. No other word for it. The choice to seek help was never taken.

I read these 2 comments on Amazon re the book "ONE WAY TICKET TO KANSAS":

"So: "in sickness and in health" is now meaningless? Is that not what mental illness is? An illness? If the BPD is in therapy, and see a doctor/psychiatrist, and on medication, you feel the best option is to leave? What if it where cancer instead of mental illness? Or a coma? Or a car crash?

This review just leaves me shaking my head in sadness... ."

And someone replied, "The discussion presented in this thread is a very strong example of what is present in a relationship with someone with BPD, in that the abused is manipulated to feel as though taking care of them self is unacceptable and that they have some level of obligations to accept the abuse. When, in actuality the argument is not truly about "should I stay or leave the person with BPD?" It is really about, ":)o I stay or leave an abusive relationship?" The person with BPD is going to argue, "I can't believe you are leaving... .I am sick... .what about your vows... .for better or for worse. You have to stay and accept my abuse because I am ill." I highly suspect that is the exact dynamic we are seeing in this thread. The bottom line is that regardless of the reason for the abuse, no victim has the obligation to sit there and accept the abuse as normal. But then again, an unrealistic sens of entitlement is part of the BPD condition... .the person with BPD believes that they are entitle to demand that you give up your life and accept the abuse for their sole benefit."

Also, for those of you up on the physiology of BPD brains, there's the following but I have no clue how accurate it is (also from a review on Amazon)- "Also, studies show that while there may well be DNA regions that make people more susceptible to BPD and other personality disorders, they also show that infants with this DNA develop normally with a positive primary caregiver attachment in infancy. That is, it is very likely that you can make anyone BPD (or OCD or psychopathic, whatever) never mind their DNA, and you can raise a non-BPD in spite of any DNA (by and large... .i.e. there seems to be no reasonable disagreement in this area so far)."

While I feel compassion for my BPDmom, I would have more, I think, if I truly believed what she 'has' is beyond her control, or that she was contrite, accountable, or otherwise able to sort thru actions in the past that were devastating to my life & others. Same with my Ndad, who offed himself via Scotch (that's some dedicated drinking to die at 44 of liver failure... .); he was quite wealthy & could have checked himself into any rehab in the world.

I guess the bottom line is I'm confused about the choice aspect & do wonder if any medical professional will ever have answers for us. What am I missing? I feel like I'm missing a piece of this puzzle around personal responsibility. How does free will enter in? Are some of us too stuck on the free will vs. determinism Q.?

This book does an excellent job of explaining what it feels like to be a Non in a relationship with a BPD. I like the way the author broke each section down into subsections. More of a "how to" manual than a novel. Highly recommend.