Something has changed

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yesterday I had a great day. I was so busy. It was by far the most productive day I have had in 6 months. I got home late, and laid in bed thinking, as I always do. I thought about just how much I didnt think about her during that day. I searched myself, and I have no feelings of wanting to talk to her, or see her. Throughout the day, when my phone rang, I didnt think that it was her. I had no fear of her. That is huge for me. I always fear her. Or did anyway.

It seems like all the pieces are in place. I understand the illness. I see her for what she truly is. I can see our relationship was a lie, and a farse. And that is ok with me. No blame, no bad feelings. Just acceptance. I accept what it was, and who she is. I dont want anything to do with it anymore. I dont know how it happened, but it happened. Just like that. Poof!

I dont know if it is denial, but if it is, I hope it sticks around awhile. Has anyone had a moment like this? Did it last? My therapist talked to me about the events the last two weeks with her. I told her how it made me mad. She smiled and said it was about time that I got mad. She was proud. I was floored. But she is the expert.

Seriously though, I have this calm that has come over me. No more hate, confusion, anxiety, remorse, nervousness, hope for the relationship. Nothing. Feels like I took it all, crumpled it up, and threw it away. But it was all subconsciencly. Wierd. I kinda dont know how to act, or what to expect. Is this just a phase, or the realization, finally, of what it in fact was. I believe, right now, that our relationship was all of my doing, hoping, dreaming, and perpetuating. Now, I know, and Ive dropped it. Just like that. Im rambling. I just cant believe it, or justify it, or something. all I know is that something has clicked, and something has changed.

[PDQuick]

Yesterday I had a great day. I was so busy. It was by far the most productive day I have had in 6 months. I got home late, and laid in bed thinking, as I always do. I thought about just how much I didnt think about her during that day. I searched myself, and I have no feelings of wanting to talk to her, or see her. Throughout the day, when my phone rang, I didnt think that it was her. I had no fear of her. That is huge for me. I always fear her. Or did anyway.

It seems like all the pieces are in place. I understand the illness. I see her for what she truly is. I can see our relationship was a lie, and a farse. And that is ok with me. No blame, no bad feelings. Just acceptance. I accept what it was, and who she is. I dont want anything to do with it anymore. I dont know how it happened, but it happened. Just like that. Poof!

I dont know if it is denial, but if it is, I hope it sticks around awhile. Has anyone had a moment like this? Did it last? My therapist talked to me about the events the last two weeks with her. I told her how it made me mad. She smiled and said it was about time that I got mad. She was proud. I was floored. But she is the expert.

Seriously though, I have this calm that has come over me. No more hate, confusion, anxiety, remorse, nervousness, hope for the relationship. Nothing. Feels like I took it all, crumpled it up, and threw it away. But it was all subconsciencly. Wierd. I kinda dont know how to act, or what to expect. Is this just a phase, or the realization, finally, of what it in fact was. I believe, right now, that our relationship was all of my doing, hoping, dreaming, and perpetuating. Now, I know, and Ive dropped it. Just like that. Im rambling. I just cant believe it, or justify it, or something. all I know is that something has clicked, and something has changed.

[elphaba]

Wonderful!  Don't know what clicked to help you get to this point, that doesn't really matter...you are becoming a healthier happier you and that is absolutely WONDERFUL!

I'm happy for you PD...you are a terrific guy with so much to offer.. you've gone thru many stages in the time you've spent here...it is now the realization of the truth, the re-birth of QUICK...this is just another part of the process on your way out of OZ...

You ARE defying gravity...and the air up here is just fine!

:-*

[TonyC]

 well quick you and are are running the same course and i agree with everything you say...you got to see your ex for what she is , i got to see mary for what she is...they are both destined... to suffer a miserable life... by thier choosing...not because we didnt try,

what we wanted was to keep  them ...they cant be kept... they will wander around the rest of thier lifes...in thier miserable cycles...

not us ...i learned from this experience ,,, so did you ,

and i think we will both be better off for it...

...

i guess this for us saving them ,it just took one last good hard look to see them for what they are...some day mary and your s/o will look back on thier lives...

heres to you and me quick...

weve made it...lets kick the gates of oz open

tony

[PDQuick]

Tony, it does seem we are walking the same path at the same time. I really do think we found the key. See them for who they are, not what we want them to be. I dont think either of us would be where we are without the help and the endless stories of all who are here. My heart is full. I am glad to see you doing so well too, my friend. I guess it really is a good tag team combination, you and me. Look forward to meeting you one day, and hey, I got your back. I am a little weary about this good feeling. I felt good several weeks ago, and all hell broke loose. This time, I dont care, or seem to. If I get sucked back in, Im grabbing your arm to help pull me out.

[csandra]

Hi PDQ, 

Yes I have had a moment like you describe and it felt great.  It was definitely the beginning of the end.  Then the moment was gone and I was afraid. 

Pretty soon the moments come more often, last longer.  When the bad moments come, at least now we can look back at the moments of clarity and know that in time they will come again. 

Don't know about you, but a year ago, or certainly 3 months ago I had never had one of the "moments".  I say, enjoy it while it lasts.  Someday our lives will be like this all the time.  (((PDQ)))

[TonyC]

 you know when you met up with the ex ...i would have jumped in my car ...and drove down to you...and if you decided to go back to her , i wanted to talk to her for just for   20 minutes...

the words are some thing like ... we dont know each other but you see that guy over there.. he is here to try to help you..i would have brought her to tears after i , told her what she has done to you i would have printed all your posts so i had my events straight, and accurate then i would have left...

glad it dindt come to that quick... i didnt want her to run you over again...

but yea quick , im there for you, you saw what i saw ...

not even hasbeens , they are both never be"s

we had some  revalations this week huh?

we have learned much this week grasshopper

tony

[PDQuick]

Yes we did Tony, I hope we have also helped someone else, like they have all helped us.

Thanks for caring brother, you will never know how much it means.

[Spook120]

I think is called becoming comfortably numb.  I have lucid moments when I feel nothing.  It is a relief.  Hopefully these moments will become more frequent.  I am glad for you. Spook.

[TonyC]

your sounding better spook...coming out a little ?

its better out side the gates i hear...

[Jewls]

Mr. Quick, you allowed yourself to become p*ssed and that, my dear, is where I think the switch was thrown (or maybe it was the 1000-post thing...?).  What you are feeling will be, at least it is for me, your primary state of mind from now on.  Will you backslide a little?  Sure, you're a compassionate person, but it won't be to the point it was a couple of weeks ago.

You're doing some of much-needed spring cleaning.  Enjoy the freshness of it all!

Love you, man!

Jewls

[TonyC]

jewls congratualations... 1000 head on over to the gift shop in nonsense...weve added blacmerrys...to the catalog

tony

[pizaluvr]

PD,

I have had those moments before.  I had one a couple weeks ago and then I got re-engagemented.  I did backslide for a day or two but hell no to her!

Recently I have been feeling so good I had to pinch myself.

The important thing is to keep up the work that has helped you.  Remember where you were then, and where you are now.

Don't ever forget it.

Protect yourself always.

pizaluvr

[Peace4us]

PDQ

Something has changed and that something is you. You woke up, you changed the options for choice in possibilities in your life, you made you more important to you, than the misgivings of another, you let go of the old dream in place to locating one that can make you happy. You stopped trying to catch the soap bubbles and created your own reality to live into. You chose, to live, and demand that when you make an investment in love you have a fair and healthy expectation that the investment can pay you back in wonderful dividends.

You finally realized you deserved more and stopped being willing to settle for less.

Congrats and welcome to the start of happiness.

Peace

[crystal]

Hey PD--

YOu sound great!  Good for you!  I bet it was the anger, seeing her for what she is,AND the NC! 

NC, NC! 

She is BPD. She will re-engagement. 

You are kind--very kind.  The anger will fade and the Re-engagement-proofing fade with the aner. Watch out! Cuz I see you going 5 steps forward, 1 step back right now and that is a fine pace!  A re-engagement will wreck you pace!

Take care,

Crystal

[PDQuick]

You may all be right, but right now, I have the perfect anti-re-engagement. It is called indifference! For the laymen, I couldnt give a sht about her right now!

[eastmeetswest]

Good!  Don't give a sht about that married woman any more!

[hurthubby]

PD, Just remember that the opposite of Love is not hate. The oposite of Love is Apathy!

Sounds like you've finally been able to propel yourself past the gravity and start into the really 'Free' zone.