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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS
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Author Topic: BPD BEHAVIORS: Problematic parenting  (Read 46234 times)
Vivgood
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« Reply #40 on: May 28, 2010, 06:43:07 PM »

Quote
Unfortunately, however, there are still some therapists who insist it is a bad idea to tell someone with BPD that they have it. This needs to change so that those with BPD and their families can take advantage of the tremendous amount of psychological information currently available.

Very glad to see THIS! Thanks for posting.

vivgood
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MindfulJavaJoe
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« Reply #41 on: April 27, 2011, 03:36:37 AM »

JoannaK

I had a real OMG moment when your post at the top of this thread describes my wifes parenting style in vivid detail.

She does each and every thing on your list.

How do I bring this to the attention of a parental assessor without coming over as being a complete nutcase?

I really want the best for my children but they are not her pets, slaves, minions or comforters.

In addition she alternates from being the perfect mother to not being abkle to cope at all.

Excellent post many thanks

Joe
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andywho
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What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger.


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« Reply #42 on: June 14, 2012, 07:21:07 AM »

BPD was a step parent (which I think further complicated matters)

These were the toughest things...

Overreaction to "normal" kid behavior ...the rages over everything - things as simple as not unloading the dishwasher was met with a rage...a full blown BPD rage...

Constant Criticism - kids who are forced to grow up in this kind of atmostphere are bound to have some major difficulties.

Invasion of Privacy - the need to control had him searching the kids room, reading journals, etc... without any cause

the teen years - As the kids become more independant the BPD tends to become even more controlling/critical of everything they do, don't do, may do...BPD had intricate scenarios all played out in his head as to what the kids were doing...he believed it although it had little or no basis in fact and would react to the kids as if it was fact.

I worry about the long term effects his behavior will have had on my kids...I can only hope my parenting offsets it.

This makes me feel bad as i recognise these behaviours in my GF who is my daughters stepmam. Always "stalking" my daugher on facebook and meddles with stuff my daughter write there and what her friends write and comment.

Always thinking the worst of what my daughter is doing.

Andy
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“Never hurt people who love you a lot, because they won’t hurt you
back. But they’ll probably have no choice but to leave you forever.”
GreenMango
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« Reply #43 on: July 07, 2012, 11:35:35 PM »

BPD was a step parent (which I think further complicated matters)

These were the toughest things...

Overreaction to "normal" kid behavior ...the rages over everything - things as simple as not unloading the dishwasher was met with a rage...a full blown BPD rage...

Constant Criticism - kids who are forced to grow up in this kind of atmostphere are bound to have some major difficulties.

Invasion of Privacy - the need to control had him searching the kids room, reading journals, etc... without any cause

the teen years - As the kids become more independant the BPD tends to become even more controlling/critical of everything they do, don't do, may do...BPD had intricate scenarios all played out in his head as to what the kids were doing...he believed it although it had little or no basis in fact and would react to the kids as if it was fact.

I worry about the long term effects his behavior will have had on my kids...I can only hope my parenting offsets it.

This makes me feel bad as i recognise these behaviours in my GF who is my daughters stepmam. Always "stalking" my daugher on facebook and meddles with stuff my daughter write there and what her friends write and comment.

Always thinking the worst of what my daughter is doing.

Andy

Hi Andywho,

You are welcome to post on the [L4] Raising a child when one parent has BPD board.  You mentioned that it was your partner and for all intents and purposes plays an active role in the parenting.

The parents over on that board are varied from "non" stepparents to divorced parents.  Many of the issues you were concerned about are tackled frequently by members and the feedback can be very helpful.

-GM
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Major_Dad
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« Reply #44 on: July 18, 2012, 06:56:23 AM »

JoannaK

I had a real OMG moment when your post at the top of this thread describes my wifes parenting style in vivid detail.

She does each and every thing on your list.

How do I bring this to the attention of a parental assessor without coming over as being a complete nutcase?

I really want the best for my children but they are not her pets, slaves, minions or comforters.

In addition she alternates from being the perfect mother to not being abkle to cope at all.

Excellent post many thanks

Joe

Check with a L, but depending on your local laws you may be able to surreptitiously audio/video record her. My L says this is the best way to expose hidden BPD emotional abuse.
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andywho
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What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger.


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« Reply #45 on: July 25, 2012, 03:51:08 AM »

BPD was a step parent (which I think further complicated matters)

These were the toughest things...

Overreaction to "normal" kid behavior ...the rages over everything - things as simple as not unloading the dishwasher was met with a rage...a full blown BPD rage...

Constant Criticism - kids who are forced to grow up in this kind of atmostphere are bound to have some major difficulties.

Invasion of Privacy - the need to control had him searching the kids room, reading journals, etc... without any cause

the teen years - As the kids become more independant the BPD tends to become even more controlling/critical of everything they do, don't do, may do...BPD had intricate scenarios all played out in his head as to what the kids were doing...he believed it although it had little or no basis in fact and would react to the kids as if it was fact.

I worry about the long term effects his behavior will have had on my kids...I can only hope my parenting offsets it.

This makes me feel bad as i recognise these behaviours in my GF who is my daughters stepmam. Always "stalking" my daugher on facebook and meddles with stuff my daughter write there and what her friends write and comment.

Always thinking the worst of what my daughter is doing.

Andy

Hi Andywho,

You are welcome to post on the [L4] Raising a child when one parent has BPD board.  You mentioned that it was your partner and for all intents and purposes plays an active role in the parenting.

The parents over on that board are varied from "non" stepparents to divorced parents.  Many of the issues you were concerned about are tackled frequently by members and the feedback can be very helpful.

-GM

Thank you GM. Have alredy once posted there and asking for people with experience with BPD stepparents. Did get some responses, but only a few. Surprisingly few.

This is one of  the most important issue in my RS as i myself can work with me og getting better and doing my part in the RS. But... if my daughter and me and my RS to my daughter suffer... i dont know if i can stay.

Andy
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“Never hurt people who love you a lot, because they won’t hurt you
back. But they’ll probably have no choice but to leave you forever.”
gettingstronger19

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« Reply #46 on: April 03, 2014, 03:21:25 PM »

Oh boy- this is my first day on this site, and this post really hit home for me.  I've had a troubled relationship with mom as long as I can remember, and I finally stop talking to both my parents four months ago.  In those months, with encouragement from my therapist, I've been looking at my instinct that there's "something off" with my mom, and my therapist mentioned BPD. 

All of these symptoms in this workshop are true, but #5 "Emotional Incest" really struck a chord.  It's a creepy phrase, but I've never heard of anyone else who's mom would crawl into bed with them just to talk...  when I was in high school.  The last time I visited her, when I was 25, she tried to get me to take an afternoon nap in the bed with her and my dad.  Just...  no.  She often tells me that my "rebelliousness" (which involves me getting engaged and going to graduate school) is the reason for her life-threatening health issues.

Thanks so much for posting this.  It's very reassuring to find stories like mine.  I feel much less alone.





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rarsweet
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« Reply #47 on: January 07, 2015, 03:22:52 PM »

Our daughter is 6 months old and my ex keeps saying" she's really coming along"  drives me nuts,sounds like he is talking about a turkey cooking. And its hard t describe , if its dark out she has to be in pjs, he always carries her in her car seat, he gets different wipes for ear, nose,butt and heaven forbid you mix them up, he won't put her baby tub in the tub because its made for a sink so he says, he has insisted she needed a feeding and sleeping schedule since day one, even though I nurse, you know how baby clothes have a weight and length as well ad months for sizes, same with diapers, he insists on her wearing her size in months even though I have her in bigger sizes during my time because she is bigger, longer, than a 6 month old. It is like a guy with a new car and he has to do an oil change at exactly 3k miles and polish it once a week.
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rarsweet
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« Reply #48 on: January 07, 2015, 03:28:06 PM »

One time she had been constipated while with me so after she went to him I texted him and asked if she had been able to poop yet, his response was" yes it was normal with good consistency" like he had to Google a response.
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rarsweet
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« Reply #49 on: January 07, 2015, 03:38:47 PM »

He doesn't want her to leave the house if it's raining, windy,too hot, if there are mosquitoes, bees, he doesn't let people hold her unless they wash their hands in front of him, no one is allowed to change her diaper while she is with him, he puts her toys in a zip lock bag and then puts that bag in her baby bag. Lavender lotion is only to be used at night, and old ladies shouldn't give him advice because times have changed,
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