Some additional aspects of he book... .
Specific Methods for Boosting Self-Esteem- Talk Back to That Internal Critic!
- Train yourself to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts as they go through your mind.
- Learn why these thoughts are distorted
- Practice talking back to them so as to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system.
The Triple Column TechniqueAsk yourself, “What thoughts are going through my mind right now? What am I saying to myself? Why is this upsetting me?”
“When you are down on yourself, you might find it helpful to ask what you actually mean when you try to define your true identity with a negative label such as ‘a fool’, ‘a sham’, ‘a stupid dope’, etc. Once you begin to pick these destructive labels apart, you will find they are arbitrary and meaningless. They actually cloud the issue, creating confusion and despair. Once rid of them, you can define and cope with any real problems that exist.”
Three Crucial Steps When You Are UpsetZero in on those automatic negative thoughts and write them down.
Read over the list of ten cognitive distortions. Learn precisely how you are twisting things and blowing them out of proportion.
Substitute a more objective thought that puts the lie to the one which made you look down on yourself.
“Whether your critic is right or wrong, initially find some way to agree with him or her.”
“Your feelings result from the meaning you give to the event, not from the event itself.”
“Irrational should statements rest on your assumption that you are entitled to instant gratification at all times.”
The following two guidelines will help you to determine when your anger is productive and when it is not.
Is my anger directed toward someone who has knowingly, intentionally, and unnecessarily acted in a hurtful manner?
Is my anger useful? Does it help me achieve a desired goal or does it simply defeat me?
“If you have a ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ rule that has been causing you disappointment and frustration, rewrite it in more realistic terms.”
“You will notice that the substitution of one word—‘it would be nice if’ in place of ‘should’—can be a useful first step.”
“The rationale for eliminating your ‘should’ statement is simple: It’s not true that you are entitled to get what you want just because you want it.”
“Remorse or regret are aimed at behavior, whereas guilt is targeted toward the ‘self.’”
“Sadness is a normal emotion created by realistic perceptions that describe a negative event involving loss or disappointment in an undistorted way. Depression is an illness that always results from thoughts that are distorted in some way.”
“When a genuinely negative event occurs, your emotions will be created exclusively by your thoughts and perceptions. Your feelings will result from the meaning you attach to what happens. A substantial portion of your suffering will be due to the distortions in your thoughts. When you eliminate these distortions, you will find that coping with the ‘real problem’ will become less painful.”
“Although your distorted negative thoughts will be substantially reduced or entirely eliminated after you have recovered from a bout of depression, there are certain “silent assumptions” that probably still lurk in your mind. These silent assumptions explain in large part why you became depressed in the first place and can help you predict when you might again be vulnerable.”
“A silent assumption is an equation with which you define your personal worth. It represents your value system, your personal philosophy, the stuff on which you base your self-esteem.”
“Choose any activity, and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 80 percent, 60 percent, or 40 percent. Then see how much you enjoy the activity and how productive you become.”
“You Are Wrong in Your Belief That Suicide Is the Only Solution or the Best Solution to Your Problem.”
“When you think that you are trapped and hopeless, your thinking is illogical, distorted, and skewed.”
“Nihilism is the belief that there is no truth or meaning to anything, and that all of life involves suffering and agony.”
“Nearly all suicidal patients have in common an illogical sense of hopelessness and the conviction they are facing an insoluble dilemma. Once you expose the distortions in your thinking, you will experience considerable emotional relief.”
“Your feelings of hopelessness and total despair are just symptoms of depressive illness, not facts.”
“I let the following rule of thumb guide me: Patients who feel hopeless never actually are hopeless.”
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