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Author Topic: BPD BEHAVIORS: Why marriage counseling so often fails  (Read 35754 times)
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Posts: 335

« Reply #80 on: July 08, 2013, 12:00:16 PM »

How did MC work for those who did try it?

What went wrong?

What went well?

Did/Is your SO going to any individual T sessions?

How did MC work for those who did try it?

What an utter waste of time for me!  My x IS a therapist, so when we went for counseling, she would put on her own “therapist” face and manipulate the hell out of the situation. 

What went wrong?

I essentially had two therapists ganging up on me.  It was intimidating, abusive, and obviously MY feelings were minimized. 

What went well?


Did/Is your SO going to any individual T sessions?

She said she was / is, but again, her being a therapist herself, I am sure she manipulates, omits, and adds to her stories to play the “victim” role.



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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12

« Reply #81 on: November 18, 2017, 05:44:04 PM »

Having previous individual therapy will make a HUGE difference in whether or not MC works, since those who are willing to get individual treatment are the ones who recognize - at some level - that they need help and are willing to seek out and work towards getting healthier.

Sadly, a great many of the members here don't have partners who fit that criteria. They have partners who are deep in denial and blame, leaving the non the focus of everything that is wrong. Without the ability to self analyze, then progress is pretty much doomed from the start.

Adding to those poor statistics is that so many nons feel like helpless victims too, so they wind up feeling stymied and unable to enact any changes on their own.

And round and round you go 

My partner initially sought therapy when we first started dating which made me hopeful.  However, he stopped going, and began to blame me for all the problems in the relationship.  We tried couple's counseling, and that was not helpful.  I was often blamed for his outbursts, I was told by my ex and and the T that I was judgmental, but I was like, didn't you just judge me?  It was very hard, I'm quick to look at my piece and take too much responsibility, and I think my partner took advantage of that, and the two therapists we saw were lazy and also took advantage of that.  That is my piece - I abandoned myself. 

Anyhow, I shared all this to say, that going to therapy doesn't necessarily mean someone is willing to work on themselves, rather that they want to give the impression of working on themselves.
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