This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=333021.0Below is the letter I wrote my UDBPD months ago so I could try and have some closure to a rollercoaster 4 years relationship of constant break-ups and make-ups. She was so predictable all the time I knew exactly what her response would be. It was negative and nasty as I thought it would be. Each individual is differnt in how they need to find closure in these types of BPD relationships. I though long and hard for weeks before dropping this in the mail. It helped to get my thoughts off my chest in a positive manner and let her have the last word in a negative way confirming why I could never go back.
I understand you never wanted me to contact you again and I have tried to respect that. Since you reached out to me, before I go I would like to say something as well on many issues. I can go into extreme detail on all of them but I don’t think it is necessary.
Your sons:
In my mind both great young men and thank you for letting me be part of their life for however short it was. I always enjoyed their company. I never felt fully comfortable giving them advice as they have a father and I would never want to overstep my bounds or replace him but any advice I gave them was the same advice I have given my own kids for years. I would not tell them something or ask them to do something that I did not tell or ask my own kids to do. I did the best I could for them to feel comfortable with me. I hope they did and I hope I did a good job and you can recognize I always had their best interests at heart.
Us:
I am sorry you felt unheard and felt you were second. That was never the case. I did hear you. I just did not always agree with you. You were never second. You were always my priority and I can go through a laundry list of actions on an hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis but none of that matters if you felt second. I failed at making you feel you were my priority and for that I apologize.
There never was any other woman. Not even close or on the radar. You were the one and only. You were my be all end all. In my eyes you were the smartest, sexiest, most beautiful woman alive and were second to none.
Yes I did get angry and frustrated at times with you and our relationship, but relationships are a two way street and we both bear some responsibility for the issues we had.
I have admitted to all the lies I have told you and apologized for all of them repeatedly.
Karmic soulmates/soulmates/twin flames/just two people who met, whatever we were to one another it does not truly matter, you learn lessons from every relationship, both good and bad.
N and C’s wedding should be a happy day for both families. A celebration, it should not be tainted with hate and conflict. It does not matter how people are getting to the wedding. However people are traveling is their business. I am driving. I said that from the begginiing. Nothing has changed. Continuing your ammirati5 snipes are unfair and unwarranted.
My love for you was always genuine. There was nothing fake or false about it. I gave you gifts not to shut you up but as a show of my deep love and devotion to you. I am sorry you feel differently but that is not the case at all. I was always proud that I was able to give you things and take you places and go on adventures that no one else has done with you or given you before. I always wanted you have the best, wear the best and eat at the best places. I was always very proud to have you by my side. I do hope that someday you realize that.
You said something to N while we were on vacation, “Life is meant to be shared with someone” I fully agree. My whole goal throughout our entire relationship was to share the rest of my life with you and have an amazing and incredible life. Unfortunately, my goals did not match up with yours.
I truly do hope the best for you because you deserve it. I hope you find the man you have been searching for your entire life. I hope he treats you the way you want to be treated and you live a long, happy, and healthy life together. I am sad and heartbroken that it won’t be me.
