Newbie... sort of

[Upbeat Girl]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Hi, I have been on this excellent forum before but in a different capacity. My marriage broke down completely when my Undiagnosed BPD husband left me. Now I am here as the parent of a 24 year old son who was diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago. We have both been in denial regarding this diagnosis and he has convinced me that there is really nothing wrong with him except that he has had more problems to deal with in his life than anyone else. He makes excuses and is able to justify everything that goes wrong and blames it all on everyone except himself.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My son's father has undiagnosed BPD. Also, my husband's family have many mental health issues that seem very similar to BPD.   

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  My son's strongest quality is bravery. He faces his fears. He is also great at arguing until he gets what he wants.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  My son is addicted to Oxycontin which has been prescribed for him to treat Hordern's Syndrome (Cluster Headaches) this drug alters his personality and his mood. It isolates him and depresses him. He also takes Xanax, Oxynorm and 2 major antidepressants. My son considers suicide regularly. In addition to this he was sexually abused by a family friend 5 or 6 years ago and is in therapy for this.   

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  He has asked me to handle his finances because he is unable to. He has also asked me to handle the administration of his prescribed meds, because he is unable to. In both of these areas, he continually asks for more. He wears me down with reasons that he needs money and/or meds and eventually I give in because it's easier. But then I get really mad that I have given him money that I know I'll never see again or given him enough meds to make him high and that's not responsible either.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Diagnosed but in complete denial.   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I can't say "No" without avoiding an argument. It bothers me that he knows I feel sorry for him. He knows that it is my nature to avoid conflict and he knows that if he acts sad or hurt, I give in.   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  He has just begun therapy... .again. He has been to many, many therapists. Because of this, no one has ever really had much of an opportunity to help him.   

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  I would like to have the opportunity to vent my frustrations where others who are in similar circumstances will be able to relate and understand and give advice. In return, I would like to be able to help others by listening and responding to their posts.   

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Upbeat girl!   

I can imagine it taking so long to come out of denial regarding your sons diagnosis.  It must be so hard for you to come to terms with having your son follow in his fathers footsteps.  How are you handling it?  Do you see a lot of your ex-husband in your son? 

I can totally see my daughter asking me to keep her money and then going beyond her budget and wanting me to give more.  It's a danged if you do and danged if you don't situation.  I think that's when you look at what you're doing: Managing his money/meds for him.  Are you doing a good job: yes, until he badgers you for more and you give in to keep him from driving you crazy.  How can you set a limit to change the situation and then let him know what the limit is without causing a fight?

I'm so glad you came over to the parenting board.  We have so many parents facing the same challenges.  I hope you can gain some insight into your sons behavior and continue the self-work you started on the other boards.

-crazed

[Being Mindful]

Hi Upbeat girl! 

Welcome to the parent board. I'm glad you are here and so sorry to hear what you are going through. You've landed in a great place here. We are here to support you on your journey.

How do you cope? Are you taking good care of yourself? Do you have friends or family to help?

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

Being Mindful

[Upbeat Girl]

Thank you for your warm welcome. I think I do look after myself. I try really hard to use SET whenever I can and this helps. I try to stand firm in the boundaries I've created for the sake of myself as well as my other 2 sons. Yes, I see so much of my ex in my son and it would kill him if I ever told him that he's just like his father. 3 days ago he spent every last cent he had on the purchase of a motorcycle. He keeps putting off insurance and he filmed a 'race' he had with another rider using a "gopro" camera yesterday. This race was on a public road and went on for twenty kilometres. He has owned this bike for 3 days after writing his last one off. He owned the last one for six months. He expected me to be impressed when he showed me how fast he rode and when I told him that I wasn't impressed, he became upset. Last week he climbed over the guard rail of a 24 storey high building and said, "Hey Mum, look at me!" I felt sick and had to turn away. He seems to want to destroy himself and can't refuse a challenge that involves risk. I don't know if it's the drugs he takes or his BPD which make him like this. I have had to cut myself off from him emotionally or I would be a mess. The way I figure it, he will kill himself one day and ultimately, I have no control over him. I feel really sad about this.