What's your #1 priority?

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Just thinking (it's all I do)

What is #1 in your life?

For me:

1. Higher Power (God)
2. Myself (Airplane analogy, if the cabin leaks grab an oxygen mask first or you will pass out and won't help anyone else)
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Church
6. AA
7. Alanon
8. Councelor
9. My health
10. My wellness
11. My faith
12. My happiness
13. My peace
14. Work
15. Contribute to society
16. Helping others
17. Love
18. Compassion
19. Empathy
20. Kindness
21. Thoughtfulness
22. Joy
23. Fairness
24. Maturity
25. Responsibility
26. Relax
27. Live in the moment (one day at a time)
28. Face my fears
29. Laugh
30. Release my need to control
31. Not take everything so serious
32. Pray, pray, pray first, last and in between
33. Honesty
34. Character
35. Selflessness
36. Reliability
37. No self pity
38. Positivity
39. Gratitude
40. Attitude
41... .

May not be in perfect order but I do try to focus on these things and only when I'm dwelling on my ex do I fall ill in spirit and emotion.

When I think about my exgf I'm immediately sucked back into the black hole of disparate negitivity that surround her and her illness. It was a horrible existence in relationship with her and I'm thankful I let her go. She has not nor will not change. Thank God I can and have.

Thanks everyone and enjoy this day

[Wize]

As far as an active priority... .

1. Making certain that I learn from this r/s and become a better man than I was before I began the relationship.

[JerryRG]

I agree with you Wize

Learning and correcting our behaviours is all we got. Funny how something that seems so tragic can actually be so enlightening and rewarding. Matter of perspective and attitude.

[ICantFixHer]

The best thing I've gotten -- so far -- out of this is that I now know what behaviors to watch for and which questions to ask early on. It seems in every BPD/NON interaction that problems arise in the first couple of months together. I am confident next time I encounter this personality type I will nip it in the bud at the first sign.

[JerryRG]

My exgf was my #1 priority

She was my God
My addiction
My obsession
My drink
My smoke
My drug

By the grace of the true God I was delivered from slavery and bondage and I set free... .eternally grateful for this and millions of other gifts I did not deserve.

[seenr]

My priority is my son.

Years ago my ex aborted our unborn child. She knew how much I wanted to be a dad and she took revenge as best she knew how. It is a different topic to a failed BPD relationship but it hit me so hard that one Saturday I was unable to get out of bed due to physical pain all through my body. I slept and could hear babies crying, I thought I was going mad.

My time with her was chaotic but he came out of it. He is the most beautiful creation I have ever seen on this earth. His wit, learning words, how he plays with his toys, hugs me, kisses me and unconditionally loves me - he is my priority. To be true to him I need to be fit, mentally and physically, hence me shedding 47lbs since turning 40, cutting alcohol intake massively, fighting for every second with him and wanting to be a better person.

He is the priority and always will be.

[JerryRG]

Thank you seenr

I went from 270 down to 185 so I do understand the stress you endured. I was told I couldn't be in the hospital while our son was born, after he was born his mother just kept telling me over and over she didn't love me.
Then she went on to tell me I would never be alone with him and she would find a good dad for him.
I was so hurt I decided to end my life. I took ever pill I had and laid down to die. I began to get weak and knew I had to get help, so I walked to our community room in our building and told people I overdosed.

They got me in a car and I passed out. I woke up a few days later and I was ok. The doctor said I took enough pills to kill a horse.

I walked home and I don't remember the next 2 weeks and slept.

When I talked to our sons mother about my overdose, she cold heartedly replied "I didn't make you take those pills"

She overdosed twice in my apartment and I took her to the hospital and cried and stayed beside her until she was safe.

She never even came to visit me.

She did not care, she does not care about anyone.

[seenr]

Wow JerryRG that is rough!

I began drinking very heavily after the abortion. Sometimes 20 pints to blot it all out. It was just kicking the can down the road. I was not allowed see my son be born or spend much time with him in his first three months of life.

Only now am I seeing the damage the last three years has done to me.

Your problems seem to be up a notch or two. To feel so low that you want to die is tough. But if that is what the relationship did to you, we understand each other well. I have never wanted to die, he means too much to me & I want to see him grow up.

I have and still do love his mother. But she has a streak of evil in her that I have never seen in a woman before and hope to never again. Plus she brought anger out of me that I never thought I had.

[JerryRG]

Thank you seenr, I too was not allowed around my son for his first 6 months, unless I was ok with being mocked and abused by his mother. She treated me like a fungus when I would go visit our son. I did get my parental rights and she then slowly allowed me to take care of our son. I have 3 other children so her keeping me away was completely unfounded.

Suicide is never the answer and the most selfish form of self pity. I'm ashamed I did this.

And no, my pain is no greater or less than anyone who's been with a person with this disorder.

My exgf instigated many conflicts and even asked me to hit her more than once. She beat me many times but I knew better than fight back.

These people do push us to our limits, their families, children, friends and loved ones all suffer from their lies, manipulation and rages.

My exgfs mother told my exgfs first husband to NOT marry her, she knows who and what her daughter is. She pleaded with me to stay away before I got into so much trouble I would perminently lose my rights to be with my son.

I thought she would change, behind the makeup, fake smile, sweet talk, there lies a wounded animal ready to tear you to pieces. I seen a kitten while in reality I was dealing with a full grown tiger all too eager to devour me.

[Leonis]

#1 in life is the continual quest for ultimate power! 

[FallBack!Monster]

The best thing I've gotten -- so far -- out of this is that I now know what behaviors to watch for and which questions to ask early on. It seems in every BPD/NON interaction that problems arise in the first couple of months together. I am confident next time I encounter this personality type I will nip it in the bud at the first sign.

I ALMOST  agree with you 100%. I'm not sure I learned with questions to ask. I've always asked questions to see where a person's mind is at.  The red flags, well, they were obvious. But I do plan to nit that sh*t in the bud early. I thought I could handle it and it would never get that out of control. So I kept my eyes open when hers were.  Still, I can't watch a snake 24/7. I would leave it alone but using the techniques I've learned here.