Future Relationship Apprehension

[Concerns]

So I am in no shape for a new relationship but I have thoughts of the future. I am seriously apprehensive about being in another relationship. I had trust issues before my BPD relationship. Thinking about opening up to someone and being intimate is something that I long for. But since its been absent for years now, I am feeling pretty beat up. I think I may still be in my previous mindset. I think in order to move forward that I have to create a new me. A new way of relating to the world and to people. How do you begin to share with someone else, in a healthy way, after the trauma(and I think its on par with trauma) of a BPD relationship?

I suppose the primary answer could be if I am healthy then anything is possible. But do we ever really recover from our past?

[prisonmike]

I suppose the primary answer could be if I am healthy then anything is possible. But do we ever really recover from our past?

I like to think that we can learn from the past. And I suppose learning is a good step towards recovering. Being happy with yourself first is critical. For me, after I get out of this toxic relationship, I'm going to spend a long time as a single man just learning to love life on my own. After I am happy and at peace with myself and my life then I will look for a new relationship.

But focusing on making yourself happy with yourself first is most important.

[Concerns]

As a younger man, I spent alot of time soul-searching and digging at my internal conflicts and wounds. I know what they are. I've exposed them and came to grips with them. I spent alot of time by myself working on me. Yet, I'm still getting turned upside-down by either who I'm in a relationship with or how I'm cross-referencing myself within that relationship.

[Nuitari]

Concerns,

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm in the same boat you're in, and understand completely where your coming from. All of the wounds are still too fresh for me to consider another relationship, and I'm afraid they'll never heal enough, that I'll be stuck in this traumatized state of mind for the rest of my life. I don't want to begin a new relationship until I know I'm not going to carry over unresolved issues from my BPD one into it, but I don't know if that's possible. I'm still reeling over everything that's happened, and I feel like I've been emotionally damaged in ways that I haven't even begun to process. In particular, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone again.

In a weird way, I feel like my ex has made me more like her. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to get close to anyone either. I can't risk the pain.