I've separated with my BPD (non diagnosed) wife.

[dustin311]

I have read stop walking on eggshells. It was a game changer. I haven't been able to communicate effectively with her for a very long time and in retrospect, no serious conversation ever went well. I've been empowered to leave with the kids and my BP is showing what appears to be a genuine desire to get help. I had told her about the book I read and she's been reading it. II am in Bakersfield CA and would like to find good professional help. I am feeling very sympathetic for her but I don't want to make any mistakes.  I don't even have any specific questions, I just feel like I need advice. I'm kind of lost right now.  What more info can I provide?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi dustin311,

It can be very unsettling to make a big change -- how are you doing? How are the kids doing? How much contact are you having with your wife?

Are you looking for professional help for yourself?

Sorry for all the questions 

Stop Walking on Eggshells is a good place to start, and you're here with people walking the same path, who understand what you're going through. That's a great next step.

Has your wife ever been in therapy before?

Let us know how you're doing and what is happening when you feel ready.

LnL

[jrharvey]

Make sure the counselor knows about and has treated BPD before. Every day counselors are not able to handle the roller coaster of emotions with a BPD person. They really need to be ready to handle that and be able to properly treat it.

There is so much information on youtube it would be good for her to spend a few days watching non stop. There are a lot of recovering BPD people that VLOG.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey dustin311:  
The search engines below could be helpful.  You can put in your zip code, and I think they all have an option to search by mileage to your zip code and choose a specialty.

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

https://www.findapsychologist.org/

There is a problem with the link below.  If you go to a browser window and just type, locator.apa.org, it will bring up the website.
www.locator.apa.org/

The result set below is an example for Bakersfield.
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1477369202.5271_24564&city=Bakersfield&county=Kern&state=CA&spec=196

If you have insurance that might be applicable, you will need to narrow your search for that fact.  Although you ideally want someone who specializes in BPD, that specialty is hard to find.  You might want to select a few counselors and interview them on the phone.  :)on't hesitate to ask any psychologists that you interview for referrals to someone they know who is familiar with BPD.

The link below leads to a DBT Self-Help Website and to a specifically helpful area of that website:

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html