He has had enough...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I've known my boyfriend now for almost two years.  When we first started dating, things were great.  Eventually, my alcohol use go in the way.  I broke his heart in front of him by kissing another girl because I was drunk.  I ended up hanging on his friend and hanging on guys at the bar on my birthday because I didn't even know what I was doing.  Well - my boyfriend still forgave me.  We worked things out for a while, but then about a year ago - we ended things.  Well, he ended it and changed his number.  He said I was horrible to him and he was tired of being treated like garbage.

Well, in May of this year, we gained contact and got back together again.  Things were rocky, always arguing.  Well, about three weeks ago we found an apartment and made it our own.  Things weren't perfect, but we were excited to have a place to call our own.  I was still treating him like crap even though he was doing EVERYTHING for me.  I quit my job (he said it'd be easier to find one closer) to find another one closer since it was too far from the new apartment.  He paid for everything, cooked for me a lot.  I was still miserable every day - for no reason... .and angry and would snap.  Well, I finally get a call the day after Thanksgiving for a job literally walking distance from my apartment! I was so excited I told my boyfriend he said that's great.  The next day, I waited hours for him to call me as he said he was picking me up at noon for the interview.  Well, he called after the interview was supposed to happen - told me he's not getting me and he's done with me.  He told me he'll bring me all my things sometime.  (EVERYTHING is there, my life my clothes)  He said he loves me, but can't be with me.  He's said it many times before... .No matter how many times I've told him I won't be mean -  I cry and beg, and I'm still terrible. I told him I was changing 100x, went to therapy, it didn't help AT ALL.  So of course, he doesn't believe me.  If he knew I could be nice and a good person - I know he'd be there.  He's not very nice either, but that's usually because he's reacting to my ___ty behavior.  I manipulate - I tell him I'm going to hurt myself if he doesn't see me.  He tells me I'm manipulative all the time.  I had a bad binge drinking issue so I don't drink at all.  (Caused me 3 arrests in 8 months due to drinking)  I miss him and he's been ignoring me since Friday.  What do I do?  I was diagnosed with bipolar by my PCP... I've been on 3 meds for my mental issues for years, and I'm making no progress. IF anything, I think I'm getting worse.  I'm wondering if I have BPD.

[livingdeadgirl]

I've known my boyfriend now for almost two years.  When we first started dating, things were great.  Eventually, my alcohol use go in the way.  I broke his heart in front of him by kissing another girl because I was drunk.  I ended up hanging on his friend and hanging on guys at the bar on my birthday because I didn't even know what I was doing.  Well - my boyfriend still forgave me.  We worked things out for a while, but then about a year ago - we ended things.  Well, he ended it and changed his number.  He said I was horrible to him and he was tired of being treated like garbage.

Well, in May of this year, we gained contact and got back together again.  Things were rocky, always arguing.  Well, about three weeks ago we found an apartment and made it our own.  Things weren't perfect, but we were excited to have a place to call our own.  I was still treating him like crap even though he was doing EVERYTHING for me.  I quit my job (he said it'd be easier to find one closer) to find another one closer since it was too far from the new apartment.  He paid for everything, cooked for me a lot.  I was still miserable every day - for no reason... .and angry and would snap.  Well, I finally get a call the day after Thanksgiving for a job literally walking distance from my apartment! I was so excited I told my boyfriend he said that's great.  The next day, I waited hours for him to call me as he said he was picking me up at noon for the interview.  Well, he called after the interview was supposed to happen - told me he's not getting me and he's done with me.  He told me he'll bring me all my things sometime.  (EVERYTHING is there, my life my clothes)  He said he loves me, but can't be with me.  He's said it many times before... .No matter how many times I've told him I won't be mean -  I cry and beg, and I'm still terrible. I told him I was changing 100x, went to therapy, it didn't help AT ALL.  So of course, he doesn't believe me.  If he knew I could be nice and a good person - I know he'd be there.  He's not very nice either, but that's usually because he's reacting to my ___ty behavior.  I manipulate - I tell him I'm going to hurt myself if he doesn't see me.  He tells me I'm manipulative all the time.  I had a bad binge drinking issue so I don't drink at all.  (Caused me 3 arrests in 8 months due to drinking)  I miss him and he's been ignoring me since Friday.  What do I do?  I was diagnosed with bipolar by my PCP... I've been on 3 meds for my mental issues for years, and I'm making no progress. IF anything, I think I'm getting worse.  I'm wondering if I have BPD.

[JohnLove]

Hello livingdeadgirl, I am sorry to hear of your turmoil. You have a degree of self awareness and have described a number of traits for BPD in yourself but you would be best to speak to a T about this.

Misdiagnosis of BPD is relatively common as depression or bipolar disorder. Again, I would encourage you to speak with a doctor about your thoughts.

I'm glad you're not drinking if that is making your circumstances worse.  

There is no specific medication for BPD but some types of medication can help with certain symptoms. It's best to speak to a doctor about your lack of improvement and disappointment with your progress.

Your boyfriend may have developed some healthy boundaries around what you describe as threatening/manipulative/mean behaviour. There is not much you can do other than seek further help or try something different in order to either minimise or cope with the feelings that lead to these negative or hurtful behaviours.

Treat your boyfriend with respect and gratitude next time you speak. Try to keep it that way.  

[Mutt]

Hi livingdeadgirl,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how difficult everything is for you at the moment . I agree with JohnLove to talk to your T or MD if you think that you have a misdiagnosis. Do you have family members with BPD traits?

Here is a list of resources that may be helpful:

www.bpdresources.net