He cheated... again

[Shnoonoo]

Ive been with C for 13 years on and off. This time around it’s been 6 months and I thought things were going great... until last night. I found out he was cheating on me. I have my own mental health problems and have a diagnosis of depression, GAD, and BPD myself (though I think the BpD in my case is more likely to be complex ptsd or even bipolar disorder. My doctor didn’t want to diagnose too much in one sitting.  Anyway, I’m Currently in university, second year, and struggling as a result of my mental heath. I’ve been relying on C a lot to make me feel good, just his presence and a bit of attention is what I’ve been needing. But I could feel something was up. I told him to pack his bags and leave. That he couldn’t possibly love me. But he just put 1000! Tires on my moms car and bought a snow blower for us and al his stuff is at my place. We talked of being together forever.
He says he doesn’t know any he did what he didn’t just says he’s PLEASE READed up. I don’t feel loved. I’m so confused. He’s here right now and cleaning plus watching the kids because I’ve let the house go due to focusing on assignments and my mental health being on the decline. I don’t know what to do. He always ends up cheating. How can I ever trust him? Why would I want to be with him? Why don’t I want to be without him? I am so numb right now. I’ve been sleeping and hiding in the basement all day. I need guidance. I know I treat him well and he’s improved in many ways, he used to be all around abusive. If I leave him I’ll be empty forever. I love him

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.